World of Sexy - All about sex and relationships

10 signs he's into you

2010-03-10T03:36:00.000-08:00

These telltale signs will let you know that he's interested in you! Ever wonder if the cute guy at your office is flirting with you or just being Mr. Nice Guy?

Sometimes the signals guys send can leave us totally confused, but chances are if he's showing most of these below, then you have yourself an admirer!

1. Eye contact
If he's looking straight into your eyes every time you talk it's probably not because you have a fallen eyelash or your mascara is running. Steady eye contact shows he's completely focused on you and really listening to what you have to say.

2. Leaning into you
When there's no attraction between two people, they keep a safe distance between their bodies. But if you find your suspected crush leaning in closer when you have a one on one conversation it's a sign he's into you and wants to get closer.

3. The magic touch
Gentle touches on the arm or back are a sure sign a guy's into you unless he's just a touchy-feely guy with just about everyone. Touching shows intimacy and that's what he's looking for, so the next time your hands brush at the photocopier remember he could be sending you a sign.

4. Funny to meet you here
Coincidence it may be -- but a guy just happens to keep showing up at places you hang out (and you hadn't seen him there until recently) it's probably not an accident. Take advantage and strike up a conversation to find out what's up.

5. You're oh-so funny
You may think you have a great sense of humour and tell awesome jokes, but normally you don't even get a snicker out of you friends with your jokes. But this one guy loves them and laughs every time -- he could be crushing on you and your funny bone.

6. His friends know about you
Maybe your admirer is just an acquaintance -- so chances are you don't know his friends too well. But, if his friends seem to know about you and your likes/dislikes it means he's been talking about you -- a lot.

7. He's chumming it up with your friends
In an effort to get to know more about you -- your secret crush may want to get chummy with your pals. If he's sending you other signs plus this, he's likely totally into you.

8. He really listens to you
He seems to remember every little detail -- you told him months ago you like your latte made with soy and a dash of cinnamon -- in an office meeting. Now he's bringing you a soy latte when he does a coffee run -- complete with the dash of cinnamon.

9. He's totally nervous around you
Guys pride themselves on being confident -- except when they are head over heels for a woman. So if you notice him getting nervous or flustered around you he could be worried about not making a good impression on you.

10. He wants to be on your team
Whether it's a team or group for the office, or a team of friends playing tag football, if he always wants to be on your team (or picks you first) it could be a sign that he's into you -- so play along, who knows what will happen!

.

Rules about Online Dating

2010-02-13T07:55:00.000-08:00

1. Be Honest About Your Dating Status

My personal pet peeve: men who lie about being single. Nothing is more infuriating than a man desperate to break in a new kitten. Signs to look for include:

- Picture-less profiles: married men don’t want to be ID’d by their friends or *gasp* their wife.

- Harried and hurried emails, demanding to meet TONIGHT: he’s got a 2 hour window while his wife is out with the girls and needs to fill it.

- The conversation ALWAYS leads to sex: it’s all he’s got on his mind and he doesn’t care who it comes from.

- He loves and needs and wants and has to have you. Oh yeah, I bet he’s falling for you and is half-way to *ahem* divine inspiration.

- He gives you detailed instructions which include not leaving voicemails, not calling at certain hours, failure to even disclose a phone number, a warning that he may disappear for a while, and a request for naughty pictures up front, given that he has to delete them quickly.

- Cheating married men are slimy and hardly worth a single girl’s time. Why take half of a half of a half of something, when you can have it all without the drama?

- Married women are in the same category, but why repeat myself?

2. No Penis Pics

Holy God this shouldn’t even have to be mentioned. First of all, most of these pictures aren't even artfully taken. Second of all, these penises are often nothing to be proud of. I can attest that I’ve been visually raped more times than I can count and, adding insult to injury, the offending parties didn’t even grace me with an erection. There is nothing pleasing about a flaccid unit. What, am I supposed to pet it and serve it dinner? Men, women do not want to see a picture of your penis or your "boys". Just because you don’t have a job or a life, and spend hours online pleasuring yourself to equally aimless and spineless women who having nothing else to do than show off their pancake-like sweater puppies, doesn’t mean the rest of us are panting to see your junk. It’s like penis pics and boobs have replaced “Hi, how are you?” “Fine, thank you, and yourself?”

Penis: ‘sup, baby? Wanna get some? Get at me!

Boob: oh you know it, baby, I gots to get me some of that!

STD-ridden sex ensues and we have yet one more generation of idiots, setting evolution back a few steps once and for all. Please, for the good of the species, do not send over your penis pics.

3. Be Safe - Have a Double Life

Meet in a public place. Not his place. Not your place. A public, well-lit and moderately populated place.

- Don’t divulge the contents of your TRW. Your address, your work address, your bank and every other piece of confidential information can be used in a myriad of ways to compromise your safety. This is common sense, but you never know.

- Don’t go back to their place. I don’t care how safe you think they are. I don’t care if you feel the need to screw right then and there. You don’t know a person after a few hours, minutes or seconds of meeting.

- Use a free email account. When it progresses to private email transmissions, use a free anonymous account, so that your last name isn’t readily available.

- Stick with paid dating services. You get what you pay for and it’s pretty safe to assume that if you have to pay for it, typically the low-life population gets weeded out.

- Limit the alcohol. It impairs your judgment. Period.

- Let someone else know where you’re going to be. Make sure a friend knows where you’re going and what time you’ll be there. Provide them with all of the other persons information as well. That way the cops will have something to go on when your friend files a missing persons report.

4. Know You Are Not the Only One

This isn’t Highlander, there can be more than one. Only the ignorant and the arrogant believe they are the only ones playing the game. Given how dating sites are designed, you’ll never know how many are in line before you. If the woman you are interested in is extremely attractive and you know for a fact that she’s being pursued by every other tool on the totem, you need to do something that makes you stand out. Try speaking up and speaking out.

Cut straight to the chase: "When may I meet you?"

Be Interesting and Funny, But Don't Write An Essay

Surefire way to sit on the back burner: "So, yeah. I’m interested. Tell me about yourself."

Asking someone to tell you something fascinating about them makes you look lazy and stuck-up. It says you think you’re too good to volunteer any information and too lazy to ask an actual question. If you were truly interested, you wouldn’t waste her time by asking her something so generic. She’ll know you’re sending that email to every other girl and you will be instantly dismissed from her court. Anyone can ask a boring question, but it takes true style to say something really cool.

Example: "I had a next-door neighbor with your name. She was 80 yrs old, grumpy and smelled suspiciously like rotten grapefruit. So I’m glad I found you on here. Even if we never speak to each other, you’ve erased a traumatic memory with a very classy, very tasteful, very beautiful visual. Thank you for that."

It’s funny and she won’t be able to resist asking you for the story of your neighbor.

5. No Old Pictures - Look Like What You Look Like

Putting up a picture and a brief line: "just lookin’ for a honey to spend some time wit" is not the best course of action. For best results, try to adhere to the following:

- Use a CURRENT picture. Not one that’s 10 years old or even 5 years old. Because when you meet, they’ll know who you REALLY are.

- Don’t brag about who you are. I’m sure you’re very interesting and fascinating, but it will become very clear that you are already in a love affair: with yourself.

- Use proper grammar & punctuation. It matters and if a person is too lazy to focus on what they’re saying, then they’ll be even less focused on what YOU’RE saying.

- Be HONEST about your circumstances. Be HONEST about your goals. Be HONEST about your agenda. Be honest about who the heck you are and what the heck you’re looking for.

- Don’t parade the fact that you’re financially successful. It makes you look like a snob and you’ll only attract other snobs or gold-diggers.

- Don’t wear self-pity like it’s a warm, hand-knitted sweater. So you’re divorced. So you just got dumped. So what? If you choose to put yourself out there, then you’re stating that you’re ready to date. Ergo, don’t become the Swamps of Sadness that everyone has to steer clear of. Leave your drama where it belongs – at home, under the floorboards, bound and gagged. There’s nothing noble about wallowing in self-pity. It only makes you look pathetic.

- Your profile is an extension of you and is the resume for your personal life. Make it good.

6. Be Gentle

Some may not believe that this is important, but when your desires are not reciprocated, there is a proper way to deal with it. If your mental SOS isn’t immediately picked up by your date, let them down gently.

Not Acceptable:

- "Crap, I forgot to feed my dog before I left!" You both know Rover isn’t starving.

- "I’ve got a bunch of errands to run after this." Doesn’t work, no matter what the hour is.

- "Whoops, look at that *checking cell phone*. I gotta run but it was great meeting you! We’ll do this another time?" Yeah, I wouldn’t hold my breath.

- "I just don’t feel up to really DATING anyone right now." So why am I here?

Acceptable:

- "Hey, so thanks for the coffee/drink/dinner. I had a great time, but I really should be going. I hope you have a great evening. Good Night.

- It IS acceptable to arrange a decoy phone call. It gives you an out and you don’t have to lie. Just try not to go over the top with your dramatic exit.

- Even if you’re not interested, you still should spend 20-30 minutes with this person before escaping. Then you go home and draft an email:

- "Thank you again for meeting me. I enjoyed hearing about _____ and ______. While I did enjoy meeting you, I didn’t really feel that strong a connection with you. Please don’t take offense to this." You’ve done nothing wrong. Good luck with the site and be safe!

7. Act Your Age - Do Not Lie

- There are various unspoken rules in our society. Always bring flowers to Moms house, wash after you wipe, 2 parts to 1 makes perfect rice and you never lie about how you look.

- This includes uploading pictures of you wearing your 10th grade cheerleader uniform when you graduated 15 years ago.

- This means you don’t send a picture of your ripped, surfer 27 yr old son and call it an accident.

- This means you don’t list 20 shots of you in the same room, wearing the same shirt, shooting from the same 10 feet up angle, with 20 different facial expressions and calling it “random.”

- This means you don’t pimp out your hotter, younger sister because, in reality, you’re a 300lb shut-in who hasn’t thought past phase 1 and fails to realize that when you do meet face-to-face, the conversation will be short and sweet.

- "I didn’t think you’d go out with me because of how I looked." You were right.

- Don’t type "I’m 45 years young!" Why men do this is beyond me. You’re still 45 and now, you’re officially trying too hard.

- Don’t type "You’re only as old as you feel!" I have the energy of a 12 yr old. Still want to date me?

- Don’t type "I’m 50 but I look 30!" Never, ever apologize for your age, unless you’re 16.

- Don’t be carrying 100 extra big ones, be pushing retirement and have no sense of humor and then declare you will only date girls if they come gift wrapped and carrying their own stuffed toys. Sicko.

Sex myths and facts

2010-02-06T04:04:00.000-08:00

If a condom breaks, there's nothing you can do - false!

If you're female and the condom has split, even if it's before your partner has ejaculated, seek emergency contraception.
The emergency contraceptive pill (morning after pill) must be started within 72 hours of sex. The IUD (coil). Must be fitted within five days after sex. Both are available from your doctor or GUM clinic (contact your local hospital for details). Emergency contraception is not an option to be considered before sex. It is exactly what is says: a last resort should your main form of contraception fail.

All guys hate using condoms - false!

The only guys who WON'T use condoms are those with no respect for you. Don't rely on a lad to provide condoms. If you're considering sex then take responsibility for yourself. Get clued up about contraception and safer sex.

Men want sex more than women do.

Wrong. The reason why men tend to wishfully prod their penises into our determinedly turned backs, isn't just to do with desire.

African-American men have bigger penises.

Okay, this one's a bit out of left field, but fascinating nonetheless because, guess what: It's true! African-American guys are bigger, and their penises are thicker, too. One study of Asian, Caucasian and African-American men came up with the following stats: Asian men were smallest, averaging 4-5.5 inches, Caucasians came next with 6 inches, and the penises of African-American men are reportedly 6.5-8 inches long.

Missing one pill doesn't matter - false!

The contraceptive pill should be taken at the same time each day, but is regarded as "missed" if it is taken more than 12 hours late (three hours late for the mini-pill, although with the mini pill Cerazette you have a 12-hour window). If you are late in taking your contraceptive, take a pill as soon as you can, then another at the usual time, (even if this means taking more than one pill in one day).

It's safe to have sex as soon as you're on the pill - false!

Different types of contraceptive pill take different times to kick in. This can range from 0-14 days. Always follow the instructions prescribed with your type of pill, and use an additional form of contraception such as condoms during the time it takes for your choice of pill become effective.

Why do men have nipples?

2009-02-24T10:05:00.000-08:00

Like all "why" queries, the question of why men have nipples can be addressed on many levels.
My four-year-old daughter, always suspicious of a trick when asked such obvious questions, answered: "because they grow them."
In search of the trick answer, she quickly added that "chests would also look pretty funny with just hair."

Evolutionary biologists, whose job it is to explain variety in nature, are often expected to provide adaptive explanations for such "why" questions. Some traits may prove—through appropriate tests—to be best explained as adaptations; others have perfectly good evolutionary, but nonadaptive, explanations. This is because evolution is a process constrained by many factors including history, chance, and the mechanisms of heredity, which also explains why particular attributes of organisms are not as they would be had they been "designed" from scratch. Nipples in male mammals illustrate a constrained evolutionary result.

A human baby inherits one copy of every gene from his or her father and one copy of every gene from his or her mother. Inherited traits of a boy should thus be a combination of traits from both his parents. Thus, from a genetic perspective, the question should be turned around: How can males and females ever diverge if genes from both parents are inherited? We know that consistent differences between males and females (so-called sexual dimorphisms) are common--examples include bird plumage coloration and size dimorphism in insects. The only way such differences can evolve is if the same trait (color, for example) in males and females has become "uncoupled" at the genetic level. This happens if a trait is influenced by different genes in males and females, if it is under control of genes located on sex chromosomes, or if gene expression has evolved to be dependent on context (whether genes find themselves within a male or a female genome). The idea of the shared genetic basis of two traits (in this case in males and females) is known as a genetic correlation, and it is a quantity routinely measured by evolutionary geneticists. The evolutionary default is for males and females to share characters through genetic correlations.

The uncoupling of male and female traits occurs if there is selection for it: if the trait is important to the reproductive success of both males and females but the best or "optimal" trait is different for a male and a female. We would not expect such an uncoupling if the attribute is important in both sexes and the "optimal" value is similar in both sexes, nor would we expect uncoupling to evolve if the attribute is important to one sex but unimportant in the other. The latter is the case for nipples. Their advantage in females, in terms of reproductive success, is clear. But because the genetic "default" is for males and females to share characters, the presence of nipples in males is probably best explained as a genetic correlation that persists through lack of selection against them, rather than selection for them. Interestingly, though, it could be argued that the occurrence of problems associated with the male nipple, such as carcinoma, constitutes contemporary selection against them. In a sense, male nipples are analogous to vestigial structures such as the remnants of useless pelvic bones in whales: if they did much harm, they would have disappeared.

In a now-famous paper, Stephen Jay Gould and Richard C. Lewontin emphasize that we should not immediately assume that every trait has an adaptive explanation. Just as the spandrels of St. Mark's domed cathedral in Venice are simply an architectural consequence of the meeting of a vaulted ceiling with its supporting pillars, the presence of nipples in male mammals is a genetic architectural by-product of nipples in females. So, why do men have nipples? Because females do.

.

6 Sex Myths as Explained by Science

2008-12-20T05:32:00.000-08:00

.
It's hard to find out the truth about sex, because when we talk about it, we're usually lying.

So every dude has a nine-inch dong, and pouring a Red Bull on your ass before sex will totally prevent pregnancy.

Luckily scientists are working tirelessly to sort through all the "facts" about sex you learned from porn and your pals in the locker room.

6. Beer Goggles

The Conventional Wisdom

You're out with some buddies at the bar, and it's getting late and, let's face it, you're shitfaced. Suddenly, you're the best dancer in the room and you're noticing something wonderful: This is the sexiest fucking club on the planet!

You're looking good, the women are looking good and you're a bit confused by the fact that even that guy at the bar is looking pretty damn fine too. The next morning, you roll over to find that you are face to face with a wrinkly sea of back fat featuring the largest tattoo of Satan you have ever seen.

Science Shows...

As it happens, beer goggles are a real live scientific phenomenon. Scientists tested a group of 84 British students with some lime-flavored drinks. Some of those drinks were non-alcoholic, some were spiked with vodka to get the subject good and sauced. We like to think they served these drinks in beakers and graduated cylinders, in true nerd fashion.

In a laboratory simulation of 'cruising for chicks on Facebook after downing a six pack,' the scientists chowed the college students photos of both males and females and had students play the scientific method's first documented instance of would you rather. What they discovered was that the students with the spiked drinks found the people in the photos more attractive--even the heterosexual students looking at people of their own gender.

So the good news is if you're a dude who dreams of going out to the bar and winding up as some hot chick's drunken mistake, you've got a chance. The bad news is, the same scenario could lead to the burly arms of some dude who looks like Ed Asner.

5. Chicks Dig the Car

The Conventional Wisdom

Most of the auto industry's sales come from this long-held assumption of frat boys everywhere: the nicer the car, the better your chances with the ladies.

If you think you're going to pick up a woman in a beat up hatchback, then you'd better listen to those Free Credit Report guys, because as their catchy jingle says, women won't give you the time of day if you drive a '98 Daewoo.

Science Shows...

The Free Credit Report guy is right.

A British insurance company called Hiscox (seriously?) conducted the study. They found when female subjects heard the roar of a Maserati's engine, they went to their happy place down south. Out of the 40 women who participated in the study, every last woman reported getting that tingly sensation from the sports car.

So maybe you're thinking that being "green" and "economically responsible" might turn some women on, right? After all, chicks dig a guy who cares about the earth! Well, not so much. The study also concluded that not only were both guys and chicks turned completely off by the sound of a VW Polo, but it actually lowered everyone's testosterone level.

So when you're rolling around in the Volkswagon or Prius and some frat boy named Tyler calls you a pussy, sadly he's actually got science on his side.

4. Sex Makes Men Sleepy

The Conventional Wisdom

Ladies, you've just had a passionate roll in the hay with your significant other (or drunken mistake). Since you're a girl, all you want to do after sex is cuddle and talk about marriage and missing your period. But when you roll over, he's already snoring into his pillow!

Anyone who's ever seen a female stand-up comedian has heard this story. He just wants to shoot his wad and doze off, probably immediately after leaving the toilet seat up! Am I right ladies? It fits in nicely with the stereotype that men don't care about romance, and that women are emotionally needy. But it's just a cliche, right?

Science Shows...

Actually no. There's a scientific reason men fall asleep after sex. It's not their fault.

According to experts, an orgasm literally changes a man's body chemistry. Combine that with the physical exertion of sex and chances are that most dudes will go down like they were hit with a tranquilizer dart.

So please, ladies, stop treating it like a personality flaw. And don't let him have sex with you if he's also flying a helicopter at the time.

3. She Likes the Way You Move

The Conventional Wisdom

Supposedly, having some sweet dance moves like the Typewriter or a hot looking Moonwalk, will get chicks on your junk faster than you can say "Electric Slide."

Of course, the opposite holds true as well. If you've got the rhythm of an epileptic monkey then the odds are you're leaving the club alone.

Science Shows...

A researcher in England named Dr. Peter Lovatt spent many nights in dance clubs observing how women reacted to dancing guys, probably in hopes of picking up some pointers. What Dr. Lovatt (who followed in the footsteps of such great minds as Sir Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein in transitioning to science from the world of professional dance) discovered was that by mimicking those sexy Saturday Night Fever moves of John Travolta, you (he?) will stand a better chance of getting laid.

After first creepily watching guys dance at clubs from afar, the doctor increased the creepiness factor and filmed himself dancing many of those same styles, and then showed the videos to 55 women, who voted on which moves were the most attractive.

Later he figured he might as well make a science experiment out of it and shared his results with the world. Presumably because he could not handle all of the boobage that came his way after that video made the rounds.

2. Stay Away from Your Hot Cousin Unless You Want Deformed Flipper Babies

The Conventional Wisdom

If there's anything we can learn from our history lessons, it's that years and years of inbreeding leads to bad things. Just look at the royal families, where Charles II of Spain was thought by many people to be mentally retarded due to generations of inbreeding, or Prince Charles, who wound up with those terrifying ears.

Science Shows...

After 30 years of extensive research, which we assume involved spiking the punch bowls at many a family reunion and studying the shenanigans as they unfold, scientists in Western Australia have concluded that most babies born to first cousins are just as healthy as others.

If you're wondering why they felt the need to conduct this study in the first place, it's because the practice is remarkably common, at least by most standards, in that part of the world.

In Western Australia, there are at least 500 marriages between first cousins, and many more throughout the world (we're looking at you, West Virginia), making this research essential if we're ever to thwart any X-Men-style mutant uprising that could result.

1. Jocks Get All the Girls

The Conventional Wisdom

If we can learn anything from countless classic 80s movies and television shows, it's that rich kids and jocks get all the girls. Oh sure, every once in awhile a nerd from Lambda Lambda Lambda can steal the starting quarterback's woman, but more often than not you're going to end up being the Duckie to some pretty boy's Andrew McCarthy.

Science Shows...

Well we've got good news, Poindexter. Despite lacking the social skills and rugged good looks of your athletic counterparts, it turns out that chicks really do dig brains over brawn.

At least, that's what this study has concluded. As it turns out, it doesn't matter if a woman wants a long term relationship or just a little fling. The common denominator (that one's for you, dorks!) in what a woman really wants is a dude with a high IQ. No, seriously.

Using a series of tasks that apparently combined Survivor with Mr. Wizard, researchers filmed 15 different men ranging in intellect and athleticism and then showed those videos to 200 college-aged women. The men would then be judged based on perceived intelligence, creativity and the ability to do physical tasks like catching a Frisbee and kickboxing.

What the studies showed was that, more often than not, the creativity and overall braininess of these potential Dating Game-style suitors won out over simply being good looking. Now don't get us wrong, the study also showed that women still preferred guys who were the best of both worlds, being smart while still bearing an uncanny resemblance to Zack Morris.

We should also point out the study was carried out by scientists who were almost certainly nerds themselves. So maybe we shouldn't be surprised if the next study is called, "An Analysis of the Prevalence of Enormous Genitalia Among Scientists (and We Do Mean Enormous, Ladies)".

Why is life expectancy longer for women than it is for men?

2008-12-20T05:19:00.000-08:00

Men dying sooner than women makes sense biologically: because 105 males are born for every 100 females, it would assure that there are about the same number of men and women at reproductive ages.

But even though women showed a longer life expectancy in almost every human society in the last decade of the 20th century, the size of the advantage varied greatly.

For example, in the U.S. male life expectancy was 73.4 years for males and 80.1 years for females, a difference of 6.7 years, whereas in France it was 7.8 years and in the U.K., 5.3 years. The discrepancy was much greater in some countries, with the difference in Russia reaching more than 12 years, but in others, such as India (0.6 year) or Bangladesh (0.1 year), it was much less.

The diversity in worldwide longevity alone indicates that the difference in mortality between the sexes is not purely biological and that there are intervening social factors. The current range of situations actually reflects different stages of a three-part historical evolution. Women most probably have a biological advantage that allows them to live longer, but in the past--and in several places, still today--the status and life conditions of women nullified this benefit. Today, given the general progress in female life conditions, women have not only regained their biological advantage, but have gone much beyond it, both because they tend to engage in fewer behaviors that are bad for health than men do and because they better profit from current advances in health care and living conditions.

The biological advantage that women have is taken as a certainty, because the mortality of males is higher than that of females from the very outset of life: during the first year of life, in the absence of any outside influence which could differentiate mortality between the sexes, male mortality is 25 to 30 percent greater than is female mortality. The genetic advantage of females is evident. When a mutation of one of the genes of the X chromosome occurs, females have a second X to compensate, whereas all genes of the unique X chromosome of males express themselves, even if they are deleterious. More generally, the genetic difference between the sexes is associated with a better resistance to biological aging. Furthermore, female hormones and the role of women in reproduction have been linked to greater longevity. Estrogen, for example, facilitates the elimination of bad cholesterol and thus may offer some protection against heart disease; testosterone, on the other hand, has been linked to violence and risk taking. Finally, the female body has to make reserves to accommodate the needs of pregnancy and breast feeding; this ability has been associated with a greater ability to cope with overeating and eliminating excess food.

Even though many biological and genetic factors have been identified, their overall effect is impossible to measure, especially given the influence of social factors on mortality. The extraordinary economic and social progress that has occurred since the 18th century has been accompanied by a dramatic reduction of the social differences between men and women and of the burden of motherhood, which had previously negated women's biological advantage. But the recent mortality trends have gone much farther than the mere recovery of an original advantage, creating instead a new advantage of greater magnitude for women. Observations indicate that the growing excess male mortality in industrial countries could be explained by the rise of so-called "man-made diseases," which are more typically male. These include exposure to the hazards of the workplace in an industrial context, alcoholism, smoking and road accidents, which have indeed increased considerably throughout the 20th century.

But if these diseases are the only explanation for longer female life expectancy, why has the gap continued to grow even though male and female behavior and life conditions have been converging in recent years? Part of the paradox can certainly be explained by the fact that this convergence is not absolute: male smokers tend to smoke more cigarettes than female smokers do, and men drive more recklessly than females drivers, for instance.

French demographer Jacques Vallin has long been monitoring longevity in general and sex differences in mortality in particular. He adds to the above an interesting explanation of women's current mortality advantage that could explain the more recent trends: the dramatic increase in excess male mortality emerged as an equally dramatic progress in the general health conditions of our societies was taking place. He thus argues that beyond the negative behavioral or environmental factors that affect men more than they do women, there could be very well be a more fundamental difference in lifestyles that allows women to better benefit from the general progress in health. For example, although women now participate massively in the work force, their roles remain different and their professional activities are, on average, less prejudicial to their health. In addition, women often relate to their bodies, their health and their lives in general in a much different way than men do.

To caricature, women seek beauty, men seek strength and power; thus, a woman's body must remain young and healthy as long as possible, whereas a man's body must be submitted to risks and challenges from an early age. The result is that women, much more than men, are attentive to their bodies and their needs and often carry on deeper dialogs more easily with their doctors. Hence, women, being more inclined to take care of their bodies and to prolong their lives, may be better able to glean greater profit from modern medical and social advances by practicing activities that are healthier and better protect their bodies. In this context, women's biological advantage now appears relatively minor in the total mortality differences between the sexes.

.

History's 10 Most Terrifying Contraceptives

2008-12-06T03:24:00.000-08:00

The three most terrifying things in the world are werewolves, clowns and unplanned pregnancy.

Humanity has known this since time began and as such has endeavored to make sure the last one of these would happen as infrequently as possible.

When you combined extreme motivation, human ingenuity and the fact that most people are stupid, you wound up with contraception methods that will blow your mind. Or at least leave you feeling a little weird down there.

10.Weasel Testicles

In the Dark Ages in Europe, things were dark for a reason, not the least of which was that, with the lights on, a typical man might wonder why his girlfriend had weasel balls strapped to her leg.

The reason is obvious to anyone with a degree in Magickery or Weasel Ballogy, as any magician at the time would tell you that the weasel balls would prevent pregnancy. Through the power of magick, you see. Yes, being a magician during the Dark Ages pretty much gave you a blank check.

We may not be magicians and our amateur dabbling in gynecology has been less than revealing, but we're pretty sure this method is aces since we don't know many men who would be able to perform sexually after seeing a pair of innocent, severed balls hanging from his mate as decoration.

9.Diaphragms ... Made of Crocodile Poo

Ancient Egyptians were a crafty lot, what with those pyramids and that cool dance and mummies and all. It's no surprise then that they were some of the first people to cook up a method of birth control that actually worked. They had figured out that you could stop the pregnancy if you had some kind of, uh, blockage there.

Still, these were ancient times and there was an unspoken agreement that everything they did had to be horrible in some way. Thus, they made their sperm barriers out of honey and crocodile shit.

Who exactly was the first to try this, and what their logic was, is lost to history. We know one thing though: When they finally invent a time machine, the first thing we're doing is going back to find out.

8. Beaver Testicles, With Alcohol

In the 16th century, Canadians agreed that the testicles of small furry animals were key to pregnancy prevention. They were far more advanced than those silly, superstitious Europeans, so they got the brilliant idea to use moonshine with beaver testicles in it.

The hooch was incredibly strong and the beaver balls were ground up into a fine powder, all to ensure the rampant Canadian sex would have no unfortunate side effects, other than having to drink grain alcohol with dried balls in it. This was presumably exactly as effective as the aforementioned magic weasel balls, but with the bonus of getting drunk off your ass (it should be noted that most Canadian scientific advancement can be summed up with these same words).

7. Mercury

Ah, delicious, hot mercury. From the old days when it was considered a cure for almost everything, to the future when we'll make terminators out of it, mercury never goes out of style.

Several thousand years ago in China, somebody logically came up with the idea of using mercury as birth control. Why not? After sex, women would do some shots of mercury, and we like to think they called it "Riding the Quicksliver Pony," then voila, no pregnancy. There may have been some sterility, brain damage and kidney failure, of course, but stopping the baby was the main thing. This was China, after all.

But, hey, at least they were taking it orally.

6. Diaphragms of Gold and Silver

Hey! This one doesn't sound so bad! While today's cervical caps are the idiot cousin of the diaphragm and not used all that often, a couple thousand years ago they were the shit. The basic idea was to make a little thimble that fit way up inside a woman over her cervix. While the unwashed masses were busy using oiled paper and beeswax to make these caps, the sluterati were having them made out of gold, silver and ivory.

While these substances were no doubt awesome to anyone going spelunking in a woman's vagina and could give you a cool girl-band name like Ivory Twatter or Silver Coochella, they sometimes lead to things like Toxic Shock Syndrome, unusual odors, discharge and infections, not to mention pregnancy since they only work if properly fitted and have a chance of falling out during sex.

But, hey, if things play out just right, your penis could come out wearing a shiny little top hat! And wouldn't that make it all worth it?

5. Animal Intestines

Condoms are not, as you'd suspect, the result of some drunken man looking at a party balloon and getting an idea. The idea of wrapping one's wang for delivery has been around for ages, long before latex, Saran Wrap and tube socks were viable options.

Back then, animal intestines were the order of the day, most likely because somebody was making sausage and made the logical connection. One of the oldest known condoms is made from a pig intestine and even has a user manual that suggests soaking it in warm milk before use, probably because just humping with a pig intestine was only half gross, but if you could somehow include sour milk in the mix well, that'd put it right over the top.

Again, you have to remember that ancient civilizations existed mainly to disgust the future.

4. Diaphragms of Opium

You know what else will never go out of style? Opium. Long before recorded history, there have been segments of the population who decided that everything could be made a little better with a little bit of opium thrown in.

This includes the people of ancient Sumatra, who figured they might as well use it for birth control. So, they'd take a sticky wad of opium and, you know--wedge it in there. Now, we hesitate to even include this because we have a feeling right now there is some dude at his computer, gel in his hair and three buttons open on his shirt, reading this and suddenly having an awesome idea for Saturday night.

PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. We don't know what the side effects are, let's just assume they're unimaginable and move on with our lives.

3. Lemons

By the 1700s, most had realized that dried turds and hard metals probably had no rightful place in a woman's lady parts. That's when some enterprising man or woman looked at a lemon half, and got an idea. OK, it was probably a man.

"Honey! I'm going to try something here ... "

The shape would act as a diaphragm and (though the inventor may not have even known this) the acid in the citrus would kill the sperm. And the scent would be just like a freshly cleaned bathroom each and every time! Considering what they were using before that, the guy who came up with it probably won a Nobel prize.

As a bonus, the various shapes and sizes of citrus meant it was great for every woman, though it probably made for some awkward moments with the fruit seller.

2. Blacksmith water

Nothing says "baby-free" or "massive brain damage" quite like drinking filthy, toxic sludge--a theory proved positive by the childless, Listerine-drinking hobo who lives by the dumpster out back.

Dating way back to ancient Greece and spanning a good 1,800 years of human history is the idea that drinking the water a blacksmith used to cool the materials he was working with would stop you from getting pregnant. Though it's not really known why anyone believed this, the idea that the water contained lead is a strong possibility as even up through the first World War, women were volunteering to work in factories with lead just so it would keep them sterile.

The only real downside was a pantload of neurological problems, nausea, kidney failure, seizures, coma and death. Hell, they'd probably have been better off sticking with the mercury.

1. Coca-Cola Douche

The modern age isn't all enlightenment and ribbed condoms. For a time, not too long ago (and in fact, probably as recent as last Wednesday) people were under the impression a can of Coke was as good as the morning after pill. And they weren't drinking it.

Yes, they would douche with it after having sex. The belief was that carbonation and sugar would be effective at stopping pregnancy, and also turning a vagina into a syrupy, caffeinated horror show of fizz and sticky spots. We like to think Dr. Pepper or Mr. Pibb were the carbonated no-baby douches of choice, but study by Harvard in the late '60s gave the honor to Diet Coke.

Why Do Men Buy Sex?

2008-12-06T03:13:00.000-08:00

In the U.S., police officers detained about 78,000 people in 2007 for prostitution-related crimes, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Only about 10 percent of these arrests are of the sex patrons, who almost exclusively are men.

A considerable proportion of men worldwide buy sex from female prostitutes, with most estimates of lifetime prevalence ranging from 7 to 39 percent, depending on the country and study. Many experts argue that it is a male appetite—and not the choices of prostitutes—that fundamentally drives the sex trade.

Men’s motives for buying sex are hotly contested among researchers. Some believe the practice serves as a salve for common psychological afflictions, such as an unfulfilled craving for sex or romance. Others, meanwhile, paint a dimmer portrait of johns, believing they are driven by chauvinistic motives, such as a desire to dominate and control women.

Arthur is an alleged john, a man who patronizes prostitutes. After his arrest on September 5, 2008, a photograph of this 41-year-old appeared on the Web site of the Chicago Police Department. Arthur (not his real name) was far from the only person so branded on this Internet portal. Samuel, 59, and José, 34, (whose names were also changed to protect their privacy) were on this online pillory for a month after their September 5 arrests.

The apprehensions of Arthur, Samuel, José and many others represent the huge demand among males for prostitutes. In the U.S., police officers detained about 78,000 people in 2007 for prostitution-related crimes, according to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. Experts believe that about 10 percent of these arrests are of the sex patrons, almost all of whom are men.

Overall, an estimated 16 percent of men pay for sex in the U.S., according to a 2005 report by social work professor Sven-Axel Månsson of Malmö University in Sweden. And a study published in 2000 of 998 street prostitutes and 83 call girls in Los Angeles led by sociologist Janet Lever of California State University, Los Angeles, suggests that 28 percent of men who patronize prostitutes and nearly half of those who employ call girls buy sex regularly, with the rest being occasional customers.

The proportion of patrons seems to vary considerably by country and by study. Månsson reported that 14 percent of Dutch men have bought sex as compared with nearly 40 percent of men in Spain. (Prostitution is legal in both countries.)

And according to HYDRA, a Berlin-based organization that provides legal advice and other aid to prostitutes, up to three quarters of men in Germany, which also has legalized prostitution, have paid for sexual services. Meanwhile other estimates for Germany put the proportion far lower, at about one fifth. In Thailand, where prostitution is illegal but socially accepted, one study suggested that a whopping 95 percent of men have slept with a prostitute.

Whatever the numbers, the behavior is prevalent enough that psychologists cannot easily write it off as pathological. Rather men’s motives for buying sex are hotly contested among researchers. Some believe the practice serves as a salve for common psychological afflictions, such as an unfulfilled appetite for sex, love or romance. Others paint a dimmer portrait of johns, believing they are typically driven by chauvinistic motives, such as a desire to dominate and control women. A similar debate rages among experts about the morality of prostitution itself.

Basic Instinct
Of course, the simplest explanation for men buying sex is that they like it. After all, people are generally willing to pay for activities they enjoy as much as they do sex. On the other hand, a man can usually get sex for free in the context of an ordinary intimate relationship. So why pay good money for it, especially given the social and health risks of having sex with a prostitute? Are all johns so unappealing that they cannot get sex any other way?

Most researchers do not think so. Johns come from all socioeconomic classes, according to culture researcher Sabine Grenz of Humboldt University of Berlin. They may be stockbrokers, truck drivers, teachers, priests or law-enforcement officials. Many are married with children. “There are no social characteristics that basically distinguish johns from other men,” says Grenz, who published her interviews with a large number of johns in a 2005 book.

Nor are these men defined by obvious personality problems. In a survey published in 1994 psychologist Dieter Kleiber of the Free University of Berlin had some 600 johns fill out the Freiburg Personality Inventory and found no particular abnormalities. The only correlations he found applied to risk taking and unprotected sex. For example, the men who demanded sex without condoms tended to score higher on aggression, and married and well-to-do customers practiced unprotected sex more frequently than others did. “The more secure and orderly a man’s life is, the more he believes in his own invulnerability,” Kleiber concludes.

The research underscores the diversity of the men who pay for sex. Accordingly, these individuals seek prostitutes for varied reasons. Some of them may indeed be driven purely by sexual impulse. In a study of johns sponsored by the Rosa Luxemburg Foundation, sociologist Udo Gerheim of Bremen, Germany, found that many of these men are either sexually frustrated (because they are not getting satisfying sex elsewhere) or hedonists who want to live out their erotic fantasies in a red-light setting.

Representatives of HYDRA similarly say that men go to prostitutes to appease a sexual appetite. Many men feel freer to experiment within the context of commercial sex than with their wives or girlfriends, enabling them to expand their sexual range and to experience greater sexual fulfillment.

Fee for Romance?
Yet some researchers have identified emotional and psychological motivations among the men who purchase sex. Gerheim spotted a type of romantic john who imagines that he is having a genuine relationship with a prostitute based on mutual trust. Kleiber also saw a romantic streak in many of his interviewees. These men, Kleiber explains, seem to be pursuing the ideal of love in a fee-for-service setting.

When Kleiber and his colleagues asked johns to characterize their prostitutes, most rated them as “charming” and “open.” Some also said these women were “intelligent” and “witty.” Many of the men painted a picture of a perfect woman whom they would like to get to know better. A few even penned statements such as “I can easily imagine the prostitute to whom I go as my wife.” “These men have emotionally charged relationships with prostitutes,” Kleiber says. They portray these relationships as intimate despite their commercial nature and limited scope, he adds.

The behavior of male customers during their encounters with prostitutes also may suggest that they seek a social connection outside of coitus. From her interviews with Los Angeles prostitutes, Lever learned that purchasers of sex often ask indiscreet questions such as “Where do you come from?” or “Is Lara your real name?” before and after the act.

As if to continue their “relationship,” many if not most johns prefer to go back to the same prostitute over and over again. According to Kleiber’s study, more than two thirds of devotees used the services of a particular prostitute more than 50 times. One in four had sex with the same prostitute more than 100 times.

But why would a man turn to a prostitute—as opposed to a girlfriend, wife or other consensual female lover—to satisfy his need for a social bond? One reason may be that real relationships with women are risky and complicated, features that men do not always want and cannot always handle. Prostitutes are far less exacting than girlfriends and wives and may even be soothing to the psyche.

That is, an ordinary female date might reject a man or happen to be tired, distant or not in the mood. In contrast, sex workers generally accept their customers unconditionally and offer intimacy on demand, whatever their true feelings, says gender researcher Gunda Schumann, who co-authored a 1980 book on the psychology of prostitution. “They offer the men emotional involvement, psychic stability and empathy,” she observes. In this view, ordinary men buy sex to deal with their psychological insecurities as well as their sexual needs.

The idea that sex with a prostitute can be therapeutic dates back thousands of years. In the Epic of Gilgamesh, a poem from ancient Mesopotamia, Enkidu—a friend of the king who is half wild—is civilized by having sex with a whore. The tale portrays the prostitute as sacred because she sacrifices herself to the man to cleanse him of destructive inner forces.

“Material” Girls
Other researchers disagree that prostitutes serve as a balm for the woes of essentially normal men. Sociologist Julia O’Connell Davidson of the University of Nottingham in England characterizes johns as necrophiliacs who commit their acts on socially “dead” women. These are men, she says, whose sexual desire is switched on by not having to care about the prostitute as a human being—the opposite of the intimacy hypothesis.

“What turns the john on is the woman’s powerlessness,” O’Connell Davidson concludes. Sex with a prostitute, she says, is more about seeking revenge on women or exerting control over them than about a quest for intimacy and romance.

In a speech he gave to the European Parliament in 2006, Månsson pointed out that johns frequently speak about sex “as a consumer product rather than an expression of intimate relations.” One man, he reported, compared sex with a prostitute to “going to McDonald’s.” Indeed, on the Internet, where a person can remain relatively anonymous, many johns refer to women as “material,” Gerheim notes, and may also describe misogynistic submission fantasies.

Some sex purchasers may even have a social agenda to go along with their personal predilections. For many of them, Månsson opines, a prostitute’s bed represents the last bastion of antifeminism. Only there can men reestablish the traditional male dominance over women.

Catering to such men, brothels in countries where these institutions are legal hawk women like merchandise on their Web sites. Meanwhile nudist clubs in nations such as Germany attract customers with “all-inclusive” deals: for a fixed price (often less than $100), men can have sex with any of the women present. Some clubs even offer happy-hour specials.

Månsson believes that johns are usually psychologically disturbed and in need of counseling and treatment. Many Swedish johns similarly view their sexual behavior as “out of control” or “psychologically toxic,” a self-characterization certain scientists reject. In the opinion of these dissenters, johns in the U.S. and other countries that ban prostitution are unjustly criminalized and labeled mentally unstable.

However toxic the activity might be to the men, the women often end up more seriously wounded by it. At the very least, prostitutes suffer psychologically from trying to wall off their own emotions so that they can sell intimacy as a commodity. In addition, they often suffer from physical abuse at the hands of johns. The 2006 annual report of KARO, an organization trying to thwart prostitution in the region dividing Germany and the Czech Republic, noted many incidents of brutality related to the selling of sex. Prostitutes in the U.S. are also subject to high levels of violence.

Prostitution is not a profession women pursue because they like the work. As stated on the KARO Web site: “Very few women have ever said that they voluntarily became prostitutes.” Poverty, drug addiction or fear of violence from pimps often pushes women into the sex trade.

Thus, many experts argue that the female sex workers are not the real drivers of prostitution. Instead the business survives because of demand from the legions of males who have problems in their relationships with women. This rationale lies behind the law in Sweden that came into force in 1999 under which selling sex is legal but buying sex is not. The same notion also propels a growing crop of workshops and classes in the U.S. aimed at discouraging offending males from repeating an act that many consider a crime against women.

Sex Organ Up Your Nose

2008-12-06T03:01:00.000-08:00

We humans have a bunch of highly-developed senses, but most of our communication happens with sound and vision.

Not much communication between people happens with smell.

But now we are beginning to prove that we humans can influence each other with our smells - and, that we pick up these smells with a strange sex organ inside our noses!

The anatomy scientists have known for a long time about the "olfactory epithelium". "Olfactory" means "related to smell". The olfactory epithelium is a patch of yellowish tissue high up in "ceiling" of the nose. Normally, it is poorly ventilated, but when we sniff deeply, we pass lots of air over it. In this yellow patch, there are sensory cells specially adapted for smelling. Chemicals in the air enter the nose, excite the sensory cells, and then we get the sensation of "smell".

There is also another area in the human nose that we can detect odours with - but until recently, most scientists didn't believe it existed! This is the VNO, which stands for "vomeronasal organ". Fishes, birds, and some mammals don't have a VNO, but it is very well developed in snakes and lizards.

It was first discovered by the Dutch anatomist, Ruysch, way back in 1703. It's right next to the wall that separates the nostrils, on the quot;floor" of the nose, and about a centimetre inside the nose. There's one in each nostril. It looks like a hollow tube, with only a very small opening (about one tenth of a millimetre across) into the nose. Each VNO is very small, and hard to see.

This might be why the vomeronasal organ fell out of favour, and soon the anatomists didn't even believe it existed. By the 1930's, physiologists said hat not only did we humans definitely not have a VNO, but there was no structure in the brain to process the information from any such organ. However, in 1991, a careful study found that 910 out of 1,000 people had an easily-found VNO. But the fact that we humans have a vomeronasal Organ, does not mean that it does anything.

In 1994, Luis Monti-Bloch and his team from the University of Utah actually managed to thread very fine insulated electrical wires into the VNOs of volunteers. They then wafted various smells up the noses of their volunteers, and looked for electrical activity in the cells of the VNO. These smells were various odourless chemicals from the skin of men and women. The volunteers had absolutely no conscious idea that they were getting these smells - in other words, their olfactory epithelium which smells perfumes and pollutants, did not trigger. The cells in the males' VNOs fired when they got female skin smells, and female VNOs responded to male skin smells. But the VNOs did not respond to skin smells from the same sex.

It was odd that the volunteers didn't consciously realise that their VNO was being stimulated. We can waft a smell up their nose, and their VNO can fire frantically with electrical activity - but all the volunteer gets is a vague, generalised emotion of feeling fine.

But in early 1998, an excellent experiment showed a more definite effect - that some female smells could trigger women's menstrual cycles. Kathleen Stern and Martha McClintock from the Psychology Department at the University of Chicago did the experiment. They had some "donor" women, who gave away the smells in their armpits (via a pad that they wore for 8 hours per day). They also had some "recipient" women, who were exposed to these smells. The smells were completely odourless, as far their conscious brains were concerned. And of course, the two groups, donors and recipients, never met face-to-face.

The smells were taken from the donor women at two different times in their menstrual cycle. When the smells were taken before the donors ovulated, the ecipient's menstrual cycles became shorter. But when the smells were taken right on the donors' ovulation, the recipient's menstrual cycles became longer. The overall effect was to synchronise the cycle of the recipient, with the cycle of the donor.

This was a pretty good experiment, but we're still not 100% sure that the smells from one human can influence another human. For one thing, this effect happened to only 70% of the volunteers - so what's going on in the remaining 30%? For another thing, our neuroanatomists have not yet proved that nerves from the human VNO go to the relevant parts of the brain. The only way to do that is to get several corpses, add some dye to the VNO, and wait a few month for the dye to migrate, and then very carefully cut open the brain.

So if your boyfriend or girlfriend gets up your nose, it may not be their fault.

Why are over 250 million sperm cells released from the penis during sex?

2008-11-20T23:39:00.000-08:00

The average male will produce roughly 525 billion sperm cells over a lifetime and shed at least one billion of them per month.

A healthy adult male can release between 40 million and 1.2 billion sperm cells in a single ejaculation.

In contrast, women are born with an average two million egg follicles, the reproductive structures that give rise to eggs. By puberty, a majority of those follicles close up and only about 450 will ever release mature eggs for fertilization.

But if it only takes one sperm and one egg to meet and create a baby, then why do men produce such a whopping number of sperm? Wouldn’t it be less wasteful for a man to release a single sperm, or at least fewer, to meet one egg?

The reason for this predicament boils down to two words: sperm competition. Since the dawn of the sexes, males have vied with each other to get as many of their own sperm near a fertile egg as possible. Getting more of your sperm closer to an egg means there is a greater probability that it will be you and not your neighbor fertilizing it.

This kind of competition is an evolutionary imperative for males of any species. If a rival’s sperm fertilizes an egg, then an opportunity to pass on your genes is lost. Through many generations, as the reproductive spoils continually go to the highest sperm producers, their genes are passed on. The genes of the smaller sperm producers are eventually weeded out of the population and become a footnote to evolutionary history.

But if it was just a matter of ‘more is better,’ then animals of all species would have evolved ridiculously large testicles in a bid to overwhelm the competition. But it’s not quite that simple—numbers are important, but so is proximity. Fertilizing an egg is not just about how much sperm you can produce. It is also about how close you get your sperm to it.

In the early 1980s, researchers in the United Kingdom and the United States realized that both proximity and number were important factors in the physiology of primates, including humans. In primate societies with rigid social structures and one dominant male who mates with all the females, testes trend towards the small. In gorillas, for example, they are very small relative to body weight. (Don’t tell them that.) In gorilla society, one male defends a harem of females to ensure only his sperm gets anywhere near their eggs. In this case, making a lot of sperm doesn’t really help the male gorilla get the job done.

For chimpanzees, on the other hand, sperm competition is a serious issue. In chimpanzee society, many males and females live together in large troops, and females have sex with many males in a short span of time. This is why male chimpanzees possess the largest testes of all the great apes, weighing in roughly 15 times larger than gorillas, relative to their body weight. This gives them a better shot at swamping out the competition.

Human males fall somewhere in between gorillas and chimps. The average man’s testes are roughly two and a half times as big as a gorilla’s but six times smaller than a chimp’s, relative to body weight. This has led some researchers to question whether sperm competition was ever at work in human societies, or whether our relatively large testes are just a hold over from an earlier period in our evolutionary history.

Why do we get bags under our eyes?

2008-11-20T23:28:00.000-08:00

If the eyes are the window to the soul, then what do those hefty bags beneath your eyes say about you?

Co-workers, loved ones and even your coffee shop barista might be quick to point out that they make you look like a sleepy soul.

While people often associate under-eye bags with lack of sleep, one main cause may actually be much more fundamental: gravity. The gravitational pull weighs down on all Earthly objects, including your skin. The longer you’re exposed to gravity (i.e., the older you get) the more your facial tissues sink toward the floor.

But prolonged exposure to gravity is not the only bag-forming effect that the aging process bestows on us. As we get older, the tissues around our peepers change.

The upper and lower eyelids are composed of skin, muscle and fat. With age, the muscles weaken and can’t hold up the skin as tightly. Skin also changes because the collagen inside it degrades. Collagen is a protein that gives structure to our cells. In skin, it provides elasticity. With less collagen, the skin starts to wrinkle and sag.

Beneath the skin and muscle, the main culprit for under-eye puffiness is fat. “As you get older, your fat, like everything else, starts drooping,” says Dr. Melanie Grossman, a dermatologist in New York.

Fat deposits around our eyes help protect them. But in our 40s and 50s, these cushiony fat pockets can escape from the membrane that normally contains them. As the membrane weakens with age, the fat slips out and occupies new spaces under the skin. “When people have puffiness it may be misplacement of the fat,” says Grossman.

A new study by plastic surgery researchers at the University of California, Los Angeles shows that this long-accepted theory may be off the mark. Rather than the membrane weakening with age, the scientists report that the amount of fat beneath the eyes actually increases to cause baggy lower eyelids. More research is needed to pin down the exact mechanism to explain droopy lower eyelids, but scientists agree that as the calendar pages turn, the bag-forming process naturally progresses.

So is it fair when friends point fingers at your puffy eyes and tease that you’re not sleeping enough? Dr. David McDaniel, a dermatologist in Virginia Beach, says that while there is no proof of a relationship between snoozing and under-eye bags, it does seem that a lack of sleep affects the severity of the condition.

Some other behaviors that appear to affect puffiness are eating salty foods, which causes your body to retain water, and rubbing the eyes because of allergies. Irritants in the air such as pollutants and mold also seem to exacerbate the bags.

But changing your behavior won’t obliterate sagging lower lids from your face. There is a genetic factor at play as well. If your parents puffed up, then you probably will too at around the same age.

Envy those lucky individuals whose genes predict that their eye fat will remain at bay and the skin below their eyes will stay nice and tight. For the rest of us, there are remedies that people claim can at least minimize the bags.

Plastic surgery called blepharoplasty can remove or reposition the fat that creates under-eye bags. Sometimes surgeons pair this with Botox or facelifts to revitalize the face. Some specialty eye creams found on drugstore shelves claim to reduce puffiness.

Cheaper alternatives include folk remedies like cucumber slices and tea bags laid on top of closed eyes. People use them because they think the cooling from the cucumbers or the natural anti-diuretic in caffeinated tea might help. But there’s no proof that these techniques work, says Grossman. It’s not clear whether the caffeine can even penetrate the skin and, if it can, whether it has any effect.

If you’re genetically predisposed to get under-eye bags, there is not much chance of avoiding them. But maintaining the health of your skin can play down their appearance. “Overwhelmingly, good diet, exercise and sleep are probably the things you can do to help yourself,” Grossman says.

While there’s no definitive link between healthy behavior and smooth skin surrounding the eyes, that advice seems to echo the common refrain from doctors. “Your eyes reflect the health of your skin and your body,” says McDaniel.

And one more thing: dark circles under the eyes often coincide with bags, but these two ugly features occur separately. Aging is partially responsible for both. So what we see in others seems to be older (not sleepy) souls.

The Trust Hormone

2008-11-20T23:05:00.000-08:00

Oxytocin may make you more trusting, but is that a good thing?
Between emails from Nigeria promising millions of dollars in exchange for your bank account number and advertisements proclaiming the deal of a lifetime, someone is always after your money.

While no one is immune from the occasional bad investment, most of us pride ourselves on being too smart to be duped out of our hard-earned cash.

Recently though, researchers have discovered that the naturally occurring hormone oxytocin might make us more trusting with our money—even after someone betrays us. A Swiss study detailed in the May issue of the journal Neuron showed that volunteers who were given the hormone oxytocin through a nasal spray were more trusting than those given a placebo.

Using functional magnetic resonance imaging, a scanning technology that measures neural activity, the researchers found that the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, was less active in the group that received oxytocin.

Reducing amygdala activity lowers social fear and anxiety, says Markus Heinrichs, author of the study and psychology professor at the University of Zurich. Eventually, he thinks oxytocin could be used to treat disorders characterized by an overactive amygdala, like social phobia.

However, the prospect of inducing trust with a hormone—particularly if administered without consent—raises a few eyebrows. Ethicists worry about the potential for misuse, and one company is already marketing a “trust perfume” made with oxytocin.

“If it turns out that oxytocin makes someone more pliable and receptive, one can think of nefarious uses,” says Paul Root Wolpe, a neuroethicist at the University of Pennsylvania. For instance, he says it would be inappropriate to use oxytocin on prisoners or criminal suspects to elicit a confession because it is unethical to give drugs without consent, not to mention a violation of the Geneva Conventions.

Other researchers assert that oxytocin research is much more likely to lead to useful therapies than abuses, and they say the Neuron study was an important step. They think oxytocin could be used as a treatment for disorders such as social phobia and even autism. Those disorders are characterized by fear, so some think oxytocin could help make people more trusting and less fearful in social situations.

“People are very excited about oxytocin’s use,” says Adam Guastella, a senior clinical research fellow at the Brain and Mind Research Institute at the University of Sydney, Australia, who is not connected with the study. “There are many potential applications.”

***

Oxytocin is a mammalian hormone produced in the hypothalamus, an almond-sized area at the base of the brain. The hormone is released by the adjacent pituitary gland, particularly during labor and breastfeeding. It has also been associated with sexual arousal, giving it the nickname the “love hormone.” But oxytocin’s function extends well beyond love, and recent studies have examined its role in trust and social interactions.

A 2005 study in Nature, for example, found that participants who received oxytocin were more likely to trust other people than participants who received a placebo. The recent Neuron study expands on the earlier experiment, showing that not only are people more trusting, but they are more trusting even when they know they are likely to be betrayed. The study also combines brain imaging data with the behavioral data to see which regions of the brain are affected by oxytocin.

“This was the first study where we combined brain imaging, social behavior and substance administration,” says Heinrichs.

Heinrichs and his colleagues performed the experiment on 49 male volunteers. Half of them received a nasal spray of oxytocin and half did not. Then each group played a trust game. The men had to decide whether or not to invest money with another volunteer in hopes of gaining more money. The amount they chose to invest would automatically be doubled. Then the volunteer receiving the money could decide how much, if any, to give back to the investor. The more money the volunteer invested, the more he stood to gain or lose.

The two groups played a round of six games and afterwards were told how often their investments paid off. About half the time, the trustee betrayed the investor. Each group then played another round of trust games with different trustees, and in this round the investors in the placebo group invested less often. But the oxytocin group continued to invest the same amount of money with the trustees.

After learning that their trust had been betrayed, the placebo group’s average investment dropped from about 7.7 to 6.5 out of a possible 12, while the oxytocin group’s average stayed about the same.

All participants were hooked up to a scanner while playing the trust games so their brain activity could be monitored. Researchers found that the amygdala was much more active in the placebo group than in the oxytocin group.

“The amygdala is very clearly identified with fear and anxiety,” says Ron Stoop of the Center for Psychiatric Neuroscience at the University of Lausanne, Switzerland. “When it is activated you get a fear response; when inactivated, people get very calm.”

***

Oxytocin binds to proteins embedded in the cell membrane of the amygdala. This binding activates neurotransmitters that inhibit cells in the amygdala, reducing neural activity. The exact length of oxytocin’s inhibitory effect is unknown, but Stoop says it appears to only be short-lived.

Researchers are now trying to figure out whether oxytocin affects other areas of the brain, says Stoop. Oxytocin could be specific to the amygdala or it could have a general effect on the entire brain, he adds, noting that there are receptors in other parts of the brain like the hippocampus, where memories are formed, and the stria terminalis, which is a band of fibers that connects the amygdala to the hippocampus.

Oxytocin could eventually be used to treat social disorders characterized by excessive fear, such as social phobia, autism and post-traumatic stress disorder. Heinrichs says that the feeling of fear in these disorders is caused by a hyperactive amygdala. He thinks that oxytocin could help reduce that hyperactivity.

But Paul Zak, a neuroeconomist at Claremont University who studies how neural activity influences economic decisions, says it is premature to speculate on clinical uses of oxytocin. The study only evaluated its effects on men, and since oxytocin has a role in breastfeeding and childbirth, it would be important to determine whether the hormone has a different effect on women, he says.

Zak was also critical of the neural imaging used in the Neuron study. One effect of oxytocin is that it lowers a person’s heart rate. Since imaging shows brain activity based on the amount of blood flow, the activity in the amygdala might be lower not because it is being inhibited by oxytocin, but simply because there was less blood flow to the brain in general, according to Zak.

Sydney’s Guastella says it is also important to understand whether or not oxytocin increases pleasure or feelings of reward from social interactions. He says that for oxytocin to effectively treat social disorders, it will have to increase the person’s desire to interact with others, not just increase their likelihood to trust.

So far, giving people extra oxytocin has not produced any harmful side effects, but this needs to be researched better before being used as treatment.

***

Still, researchers are taking oxytocin seriously, and not just as a potential clinical treatment. They also acknowledge that its ability to shape behavior raises certain ethical questions. “You can imagine a wide range of scenarios,” Stoop says. He points to politicians potentially using oxytocin to gain voters’ trust or executives who might use it to garner trust in a business deal.

“The danger would be if you could administer oxytocin in a way that someone would not realize it,” Heinrichs says. But, he says, that would be difficult to do since oxytocin has to be administered through a nasal spray to be effective.

However, the Florida-based company Verolabs is already marketing a “liquid trust” perfume. Company officials would not return phone calls, but their website boasts that the perfume will help wearers gain the trust of others in both their professional and romantic lives.

Heinrichs and others dismiss this idea, saying that aerosolized oxytocin would not affect the brain because it quickly degrades. Oxytocin in a perfume spray would diffuse rapidly in the air and it wouldn’t reach the brain in high enough concentrations to have any effect, researchers say. Companies are just looking to make a quick buck, Heinrichs says. Even so, the University of Pennsylvania’s Wolpe still has concerns. “It does raise a number of questions on how it is we form relationships with other people and why some people are more trusting and others are more suspicious and wary,” he says.

But, he also points out that the effects shown in the Swiss study were relatively mild. Oxytocin didn’t cause a dramatic change in behavior, so it would be premature to jump to conclusions on how it could be used, he says. “This isn’t a magic bullet to put something over on someone,” he says.

It is important to figure out the context in which oxytocin could or should be used, says Eric Racine, director of the neuroethics research unit at the Institute of Clinical Research in Montreal. “This study really reflects the exciting advances that have been made in neuroscience, but also the potential ethical implications of knowing how we think, feel and behave,” says Racine. While other fields of science such as genetics and stem cell research have long spurred ethical debates, advances in neuroscience are just starting to raise similar ethical questions, Racine says. Just because we can shape behavior and feelings, he adds, doesn’t mean we should.

Sexy Body - How do Men Really Feel?

2008-07-09T02:11:00.000-07:00

Sexy body here, a sexy body there – everywhere you look – someone is telling you to get a sexy body and promising great rewards. Ladies, don’t waist your time striving for that sexy body - there’s good news and some basic things you need to learn about men.

First, men will always respond positively to a woman with a sexy body – it’s really not even a choice we have. When we see a woman with a sexy body – it’s hard not to notice.

But MANY other things are more important. Don’t let yourself be deceived by the billion dollar “sexy body” industry. There are other characteristics men would rather find in a woman or wife than a “sexy body”. Take a look at these five:

1) Stay fit and healthy. Men like women who exercise and stay fit – it shows you care about yourself, builds your self esteem and gives you confidence. All of which make you look better in his eyes. Just forget about the quest for that sexy body.

2) A woman with a strong desire to please her man in bed will look more sexy - in his eyes - than a babe with a super sexy body. Try it, lose your inhibitions and make your bedroom a place where his fantasies come true.

3) Lose the “I’m tired” stuff - everyone is tired – him too. When you’re chronically negative – for whatever reason – you will look less desirable in his eyes. Have you ever known an older woman (age 50 or so) who always seemed to act like she was in her 30’s? Men like that – work on acting younger he’ll begin to see you like you really do have a sexy body.

4) Men would rather be in a relationship with a woman who shows him true respect and admiration than with a blond babe sporting a super sexy body. It’s true, you’ll be looking like you’ve got a sexy body – in his eyes – when you show him true respect.

5) Often, women with a sexy body are quite devoted to themselves. After all, it takes a lot of work to maintain that look. Don’t be deceived, men grow tired of women who are only interested in themselves and how they look. Don’t misunderstand, it’s important that you take pride in your appearance, but don’t let it consume you – it will grow old in your man’s eyes.

How To Be Sexy - Be Absolutely Stunning

2008-07-09T02:00:00.000-07:00

So how to be sexy? Is it only about the looks or is there more to being sexy? Well to be honest with you looks have a very little role to play when it comes to being sexy and impressing people around you with your presence. Everyone wants to be sexy but not all of them know how. You can have the best looks and a perfect body but being sexy is much more than just good looks. Read on to discover how to be sexy and achieve mind blowing results.

How do you feel? - Being sexy is all about how you feel about yourself and your body. Some people are really good looking but still do not feel sexy therefore being sexy is all about feeling good about yourself and your body.

How confident are you? - The very next point on how to be sexy is how confident are you being in your body and being yourself. Do you feel comfortable being yourself? Are you happy with the way you are or are you always looking around at other people and trying to become like them? You see the point here is being confident in the way you are and not trying to become like someone else.

How do you carry yourself? - You don't have to be exceptionally good looking in order to be sexy. All you truly need to do is to carry yourself and your personality right. Being sexy is also about how well your groom yourself and the way you dress with style.

How well can you communicate? - Good looks and personality are useless if you don't know the true art of conversation. You would be mostly judged by the way you talk more than the way you look when it comes to being sexy.

How to Make Him Chase You

2008-07-09T01:53:00.000-07:00

If you're a single woman, you've heard the advice that playing hard to get is always the way to go. Even in today's dating world, that advice has a lot of truth to it.

We all know that men love the thrill of the chase and if you want to get and keep the man of your dreams you have to be willing to make him work to gain your affection. If you want to make him chase you, you need to understand exactly how to balance igniting his interest with being a little aloof.

There's been a lot of talk in the inner circles of single women about the benefit of being a bit standoffish when you first start seeing a man. Although you don't want to come across as being disinterested, you do want to create the illusion that you aren't at his beck and call. This means you should not always be available when he wants to see you and you should be a bit mysterious about what your plans are. Don't overtly say that you are seeing someone else, but hold back some details. You might want to tell him that you are having dinner with a friend. If you want to make him chase you, you must not appear too eager. This is one rule you simply can't ignore.

One mistake that many women make when they are trying to establish a deeper connection with a man they are interested in is they become intimate with him very quickly. Obviously the man isn't going to complain, but in his mind he may be wondering if this is your normal behavior and if every man you date gets the same treat. You don't want to come across as a tease, but it's a very good idea to hold off on the intimacy until you've let him chase after you a bit. If you give him everything up front, the pursuit of your affection becomes much less interesting to him. Enjoy his company, but don't take things to the next level too soon.

Don't put on a false front if you want to make him chase you. Some women think they need to embellish details of their lives in order to get a man interested. This approach will almost always backfire on you. You need to relax and completely be yourself when you are with him. Don't stifle any part of your personality and don't try and be something you're not. A man is interested in the real woman, not the woman you wish you were.

Why Do Women Prefer Bad Men

2008-07-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

There have always been arguments about what sort of men do women prefer.
It's always been said that women love to be around nice men but if that's the case then why is a that nice men always finish last.

Agree or disagree with the fact is that nice men do finish last when it comes to scoring a date with women. Women do prefer bad men but there is a reason for that. Read on to discover why women prefer bad men or nice guys.

It's challenging- one of the major reasons why women prefer bad men is simply due to the reason that bad men are more challenging than the nicer ones and this is common human nature that we always go for the things which are not easy for us to get and which provide us the challenge. Nice guys are often too easy to get therefore women think you can find one anywhere.

More confidence- Another reason why women go for bad men are simply due to the reason that bad men are more confident and more assured about themselves when it comes to the matter of self-esteem and being comfortable with oneself. Nice men are often low on self-esteem and confidence which becomes one of the reasons why they always end up finishing last.

Interesting- One of the major positive traits which bad men have is that they know how to achieve a woman amused for a long amount of time. Nice guys are often known to be boring and uninteresting due to the fact that they don't have anything much to offer women due to which the finish last.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate

2008-07-09T01:32:00.001-07:00

If you want to know how to attract your soul mate, you've come to the right place. To start with, it's somewhat of a good news/bad news situation.

The good news is that most of men are pretty easy!

The bad news is that a lot of guys are more interested in sex than soul mates.

Guys like that will just use you and throw you away like an old newspaper.

But if you're looking for true love... A soul mate who will love you and cherish you the rest of your life... That's a different kind of man all together... And these tips will help you find him.

I don't know you personally, but I do know a few things about you....

First off, I know you are a very special person. There are over six billion people on the planet and nobody else is just like you. There never was and never will be again. You are truly unique.

And I know there is a very special guy out there who is just right for you. There's somebody for each of us. Perhaps you haven't even met him yet, but he wants you just as much as you want him. In fact, he's already in love with you... He just doesn't know it yet!

And I also know your life is short and precious. You don't want to go through it alone or trapped in an unhappy marriage. So let's get started getting you two love birds together.

Here are 7 Love Tips from a guy who found his soul mate a long time ago.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate Tip #1... Look Your Best!

Like it or not, your appearance can play a major role at the start of a relationship. The importance of looks will diminish as your love matures, but in the very beginning, even before you first talk, comes the first impression... And you never get a second chance to make a good one.

I'm not saying you need to look like a fashion model, but you should look the best you can. Find out what style of clothes look good on you. Some women wear clothes that are entirely wrong for them. For example, something that looks just awful is a woman with an exposed midriff and a bulge of belly fat hanging over hip hugger jeans.

Wear something classy that is soft and feminine. Save the business suits for the office. And don't worry about it being the latest fashion or color. Dress up for your girl friends if you want, but most of us guys don't know or care what's in style this year.

Go easy on the cleavage. A guy wants that to be between you and him, not something you advertise to the world. You have a lot more to be proud of than your breast size. Don't worry, he will notice your curves, and he will love your modesty. There is something very sensual about that.

The multi-billion dollar cosmetic industry has women convinced they aren't beautiful without makeup, but it just isn't true. You should take good care of your hair and skin. Keep it clean, soft and slightly fragrant. We love that, but go easy on the heavy eye shadow and lipstick.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate Tip #2... Get Lucky!

They say, "Luck is where preparation meets opportunity". So once you've prepared your best look, go where you will have the opportunity to attract your soul mate.

An infamous bank robber was once asked why he robbed banks. His answer was "Because that's where the money is!" Go to places where the kind of man you want goes. If you want a guy who likes to drink, go to a bar. If you want a religious guy, go to church functions. If you want a guy who skis, head for the slopes.

And go to places you like to go. Take up a new hobby or sport. That gives you a chance to have fun and meet people. And if you do meet someone special there, you already have something in common. Common interests are important in a relationship because it gives you a good opportunity to spend quality time together.

And be clear in your mind about the kind of guy you want, so you will recognize him when you meet. But be careful about prejudging him based on appearance. When choosing a partner for life, looks aren't nearly as important as character. Men and women of good character come in all kinds of different packages. There are lots of pretty boys out there who aren't worthy of your love. Go for character first, looks second.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate #3... Smile!

Once you've attracted his attention, flash him a little smile which says you noticed him also. Most guys are a tad shy and hate getting rejected, especially in front of other guys. Your smile opens the door for him to make the next step.

You should practice your smile if you need to. Look in the mirror and think about the things that make you happy. Think of all your blessings and everything you have to be grateful for. That might be tough to do if you're holding a grudge. Do yourself a big favor and forgive anybody who has ever hurt you in any way. You don't have to forget, but try to forgive.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate Tip #4... Just Listen!

When he finally gets up the nerve to talk to you, be sincerely interested in what he has to say. Many guys work in jobs where they can't express themselves and welcome the opportunity to talk to someone who is interested in them.

Ask questions which draw him out instead of those that can be answered with a simple yes or no.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate Tip #5... Say the Right Things!

But don't talk too much! We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Try to talk on subjects of mutual interest and subjects he is interested in.

Use his name in your conversations with him. We all like to hear our own name.

If you enjoy being with him, let him know. If you feel safe with him or love to talk with him, let him know. Tell him if you miss him when you're apart. Admire his kindness, manners or other admirable traits.

Avoid foul language. Try to avoid having being loud or having a shrill tone to your voice. Don't nag or argue. If you're wrong, admit it and apologize when you need to. Expect him to do the same.

Don't say "I love you" too soon. You might just scare him off if he hasn't yet realized he loves you too.

Don't bash your ex-boyfriend or ex-husband. In fact, don't bad-mouth anybody. Don't gossip or say anything behind someone's back that you wouldn't say in front of them. If you can't say something good about someone, don't say anything.

Ask him to do you a small favor that you know he can handle. If he's tall maybe he can reach something for you. If he's a computer geek, maybe he can answer a software question. It's a curious phenomenon, but he will feel better about you after he does you a favor! We all like to be appreciated. Plus, this gives you an opportunity to return the favor and do something nice for him!

Everybody loves a good joke or story. Collect a few good ones to tell. You can also use them to send a message, without being too obvious.

Don't be afraid of silence. You don't have to be talking all the time to enjoy each others company.

Keep your phone conversations short and you be the one who "has to go". Leave him wanting more, but set up a time when he can call you back.

At the end of a date, tell him if you had a good time or say that you need to do it again some time. Or maybe say next time you'll treat. That leaves the door open for the next date.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate Tip #6... Do the Right Things!

Keep your first date short. Again, leave him wanting more!

Don't kiss on the first date and don't have intercourse until you're ready to start a family. And don't fall for the "If you love me you would" line. If he loved you, he wouldn't try to force you into doing something you're not ready for. True love waits.

Give him the time he needs to be alone or with his buddies, without laying a guilt trip on him. He should know that you missed him, but can get by without him.

Allow him to be a gentlemen... See if he was taught good manners. Let him hold the door and let him pay, at least for the first date. You can offer to leave the tip if you want to.

It's been said that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. This is somewhat true. Us men are simple creatures and food is important to us. Be smart about it though. Find recipes that are both delicious and healthy. That's really impressive because it shows you care about his health.

Don't scare him off by appearing desperate or needy. Play a little hard to get. A confident attitude is attractive in men and women. Be independent. Stay busy. Have friends, interests and activities independent of him. Keep a little emotional distance until you're both ready to make a long term commitment.

How to Attract Your Soul Mate Tip #7... Don't Settle!

Don't settle for someone you don't really love... or someone who doesn't really love you.

And don't settle for a guy with deep character flaws, thinking you will change him later. If he changes at all, it will probably be for the worst. After all, if he doesn't treat you right when he's courting you, how do you think he will treat you later?

Listen to what he says, but pay more attention to what he does. How does he treat his mother and sister? That's a pretty good indication how much respect he has for women. How does he treat kids and old people? How about dogs and cats? Is he kind and decent?

Is he honest? If he will lie to one person under one set of circumstances, he will probably lie to you under another. Don't trust someone who is not worthy of your trust.

Don't hear wedding bells when you should be hearing alarm bells. Some warning signs include drug and/or alcohol addiction, driving under the influence, poor work ethic and abusive behavior. Don't ever allow a man to abuse you or the children.

You've probably heard the saying that "Love is blind". We tend to see only what we want to see and hear only what we want to hear. Let him meet your friends and family. See what they think of him. They want the best for you and can be more objective.

Somebody wise once said we should keep our eyes wide open before marriage... and half shut afterwards!

Top 10 Male Turn On's

2008-07-07T00:55:00.000-07:00

It is an undeniable fact that a man is powerless to the charms of a beautiful woman. All men, however, have a different definition of beauty. Regardless of how a man defines what he finds attractive in a woman, there are several common male turn ons that all men would agree to.

The following is a list of the top ten male turn ons:

1. Women who leave something to the imagination

As unbelievable as it sounds, men often prefer to be teased with a little taste of what is to come. This would include a woman who dresses to show a little skin, but not too much. For example, a female who offers the slight glimpse of a thong or a bra strap is often more seductive than one who is scantily clad. Women who maintain a certain degree of class are always more attractive to men than women who openly share all their secrets!

2. She is not afraid to admit that she loves sex

There is nothing wrong with enjoying the act of sex, and there are fewer things more attractive to a man than a woman who can admit this! Many men have a major obsession with sex, so a sexually confident woman with a healthy sex drive is a big turn on for them.

3. She has a strong sense of self-esteem

It is said that the dream of all men is to have a woman at his beck and call; au contraire, most men are looking for a woman who can think for herself. Men are hugely turned on by a woman who believes in herself and has the confidence to speak her mind. Men tire easily of women who constantly need to be reassured. A woman with self-esteem is more challenging and keeps men on their toes!

4. She knows how to talk dirty

It may sound cliché, but men love it when a woman talks dirty! For men, hearing a woman describe what she wants sexually is a turn on. Women who effortlessly talk dirty are exciting and hold the promise of amazing sex.

5. She loves her body

Men love to look at women’s bodies. It is no secret that men love a great pair of breasts or a lovely backside. Moreover, men love a woman who appreciates what she’s got and is not shy to show it. It is difficult to be turned on by a woman who is ashamed of her body, but a woman who embraces her attributes will always win the attention of eager men!

6. She has an accent

You have probably heard this one before and you may find it hard to believe, but true enough, an accent is a male turn on. Regardless of whether she is from Scotland or Spain, her accent will be perceived as exotic to a man. It is especially sexy when she is describing what she loves to do in bed!

7. She has a wicked sense of humor

A woman who can be funny is very attractive and approachable. Men are turned on by a witty woman; one who can dish it out as well as she can take it! A sense of humor adds playfulness to the relationship and always keeps them coming back for more!

8. She is adventurous

Women who are willing to try new things and live on the wild side will always win the attention of a man. Showing a free-spirited nature is sexy and a challenge for any man!

9. She is independent

Men do not like to think that every woman is seeking a lifetime commitment. Men are turned on by women who can have casual relationships, without attachment. An independent woman is self-sufficient and free to have fun!

10. She looks like a centerfold

We can all fantasize, can’t we? Men know that the majority of women do not look like Pamela Anderson, but that doesn’t keep them from wishing they could hook up with one who does.

Feel Good Naked - Natural Beauty Secrets

2008-07-07T00:43:00.000-07:00

How confident are you when it comes to being naked? Sadly, a lot of women agonise about their bodies and revealing all can be a traumatic experience. If you are looking for tips, tricks and beauty secrets to help you make the most of your natural beauty and feel good naked, you've come to the right place.

Number one of all the beauty secrets is this, if you want to feel good naked you must be happy in your own skin.

To help you achieve this, look after your skin to bring out its natural beauty. Exfoliate regularly to remove dead skin cells and give your circulation a boost, this will encourage new skin cells at the same time. Encouraging new skin cells will give your skin a younger, fresher look.

Always moisturise using a good moisturiser and pay special attention to dry areas such as elbows, knees and feet. Take your time and massage the moisturiser right into your skin. Massaging not only helps your circulation it also helps to smooth out bumps and wrinkles and will enhance your natural beauty. Olive oil, an old-fashioned beauty secret, will give your skin a luxurious look as well as making it soft and supple to touch. As the surface of your skin improves and you get to know your body better you will begin to feel good naked.

Remove unsightly hairs from your legs, under your arms and tidy up your bikini line, or go the whole hog and go for a Brazilian wax.

You probably already know that eating a balanced diet to maintain healthy skin from the inside will benefit your natural beauty. Oily fish and vegetables will do wonders for your nails, hair and teeth as well as providing fish oils and vitamins for your skin and is a beauty secret worth knowing.

Your hair is your crowning glory especially if you want to feel good naked, have it trimmed regularly and keep it clean, well conditioned and healthy.

A quick fix beauty secret to feel good naked is to decide which your best asset is and show it off to the best advantage. Stand naked in front of a tall mirror and take a good, long look at yourself.

Standing straight on is not always the best pose, experiment by turning slowly and watching how your contours change. Standing side on can be a lot more flattering and compliment your natural beauty. Stand up straight and lift your sternum (breastbone) arch your back slightly so that your bottom sticks out a little bit but not too much.

You can make yourself look slimmer by stretching your body into a bow shape and being careful not to stoop or scrunch yourself up. Or stand slightly side on to the mirror placing one leg in front of the other; this will give you a very sexy shapely outline indeed.

Or try lying on your stomach propped up by your elbows, this accentuates the curve of your back and the shape of your breasts and at the same time minimises your stomach.

The idea behind the above beauty secrets is to create an illusion, flatter your natural beauty and help you to feel good naked.

A good tip is to spend as much time as you can actually being naked, this will get you used to seeing yourself naked and the more you see yourself naked, the more being naked will feel natural to you.

Remember to stand up straight and stretch your body to make yourself look slimmer. It also helps if you master the art of walking by placing one foot in front of the other, as though you are walking a tight rope, and swing your legs from the hips. I've found this looks extremely elegant and it will do wonders for your confidence.

Another good beauty secret is to go for soft lighting, such as candles, tea lights or softly coloured light bulbs if you haven't got a dimmer switch, and make sure the lighting is behind you. This not only has a slimming effect - it will also help to soften your outline and give you a sexy glow.

A soft glow rather than harsh lighting will give your skin an even tone and minimise the appearance of any blemishes.

One of the best beauty secrets I know is taking regular exercise to help keep your body toned and supple, a thirty-minute walk three times a week will pay many benefits. Walk at a speed that gets your heart rate up, this will oxygenate your blood and improve your skin, as well as your muscles and heart. Don't walk so fast that you can't have a conversation at the same time.

A toned and balanced body is extremely beautiful and will make you look and feel good naked, and you don’t need an hourglass figure to achieve this. Add quality to your movements with muscles that are long and toned and you will appear more balanced and beautiful.

Finally, the best way to feel good naked is to have confidence in yourself. If you don't feel it, fake it until you do. Get to know your own body and accept yourself for who you are and how you look.

We are all individuals and there are no set rules for everyone. Watch other women and notice how they move, what looks good and what doesn't. You can learn a lot by watching others.

Someone who is happy in her own skin and behaves in a confident manner is extremely attractive and sexy, regardless of her body shape.

How you feel about yourself is what really counts because this will show in your eyes and natural beauty will radiate from you.

Relax and enjoy yourself - love the way you look - if you do then others will too.

.

The History and Evolution of the Sexy Thong

2008-07-07T00:35:00.000-07:00

The loincloth, worn thousands of years ago is likely to be the first undergarment worn by humans and it evolved into the thong over the years. Ironically, it was first worn by men in ancient times before it evolved into part of women’s lingerie in modern times. The Egyptians were one of the earliest people to wear this thong-like clothing. The earliest loincloths were made of leather and this was used until the introduction of fabric much later on. The famous King Tutankhamun was found buried with more than a hundred loincloths in his tomb.

Some people in ancient Greece, Rome and Japan also wore loincloths. In Japan, sumo wrestlers in particular are known to wear a loincloth when they are wrestling. In fact, right up to this very day, they still wear this.

In the middle ages, the loincloth was replaced by a large, loose outfit called ’braies’. This was usually made from linen and is much bigger than the loincloth. The braies is made with a covering at the front that could be buttoned or tied closed.

In modern times, historians trace the thong’s first public appearance to 1939 when New York Mayor Fiorello LaGuardia directed that the city's nude exotic dancers to dress more appropriately.

Fashion designer, Rudi Gernreich was credited with introducing the first modern thong back in 1974. The thong was worn for many years by exotic Brazilian dancers and was very widely worn during the festivals. These tight, tiny thongs grew in popularity during the 80s in South America and were used as swimwear at the beaches. Its popularity and influence spread to various parts of the world in the late 90s.

In the US, the sexy thong only gained wide acceptance in the 90s when exotic lingerie came into the mainstream. Today, the thong is one of the best selling styles of undergarment in the world. The size of the lingerie industry is said to be over US$2 billion a year.

The thong became so popular that there were even songs written about it. The most famous one was of course ‘The Thong Song’ by Sisqo under the Def Soul label. The Thong Song from Sisqo’s debut album ‘Unleash The Dragon’ was such a big hit that it reached number 3 on the US pop charts and sold over 4 million copies worldwide.

Besides the sexy thong, there are also many different types and variants of exotic lingerie available in the market today. Some of the different types of lingerie available include the chemise, camisole, boy shorts, bustiers, corsets, teddy and G-string.

Many designers today have come up with very flamboyant and creative designs and the thongs today are very different from the designs of yesteryears. It is extremely minimalist, erotic and chic. Many women prefer the thong to other types of lingerie because they can wear tight pants without showing the panty line. Besides being extremely sexy, the thong is also comfortable to wear.

What Turns Sexy Women Off

2008-07-07T00:19:00.000-07:00

No matter the subject it as always as useful to know what NOT to do, as it is to know what to do. I'm here to tell you, I am uniquely qualified to tell you how NOT to attract desirable sexy women. Why? Because I spent dang near 10 years perfecting that art before I stopped doing what doesn't work, and started doing what DOES work.
So, today, we're going to talk about what NOT to do when it comes to attraction. This will give you a handy guide of things to avoid when interacting with any sexy woman.

First off, don't try to impress her by talking about yourself, how much money you make, the playoff game you won, etc., etc. Believe me, she's heard all that before, by men who are smarter, better looking, and more successful than you or I. Instead, ask her genuine, open-ended questions about herself, and pay close attention to her answers. Shut off the conversation in your own head, and pay attention to her--you'll be amazed at how this creates attraction.

Don't ask her if "you can take her out," or if she "has a boyfriend," or if you can "have her number." You're letting her define the relationship, which sexy women HATE. In addition, questions like these activate subconscious processes that lead to autopilot answers (like NO!). It's the same thing as a salesperson asking you, "Can I help you?" and you saying, "No thanks, just looking." Switch the question to, "What specifically are you looking for?" and you'll get a better answer--same thing when setting up a second meeting with the woman you're talking to. "Let's continue this conversation over coffee sometime," works a heck of a lot better than, "Can I take you out?"

Don't shower her with compliments about her beauty, looks, etc.

She's already heard it, and knows you're trying to "compliment your way into her pants." Treat her like a human being, ask her about her hopes, dreams, and desires from a place of genuine interest, not the ulterior motive of getting your hands on her. Although it sounds obvious, this is actually a very subtle shift in thinking for most men--she'll pick up on the fact that you're NOT lusting after her, when every other guy she's talked to that day is... and start to wonder what's different about you. Give her a "bad time in a good way," teasing her about her looks, what she says, etc.

Attraction is a give and take, it has a rhythm to it. Switch from sincere to teasing, and back again--it's this switching that creates attraction.

Don't ask her, "So where do you want to go?" Take the lead, and suggest several places--"Hey, let's go here... sound good to you?" is much better than the above question. If she doesn't want to go there, then ask her for suggestions. Believe it or not, this was a big breakthrough for me--I always thought sexy women would be offended if I did this, but turns out they really enjoy it.

Don't plan your life around her--live your own. This kills more relationships than probably anything else--women want to be with a strong guy, not a surrogate mommy to a little kid.

Again, a lot of these things are common sense, but as they say, common sense ain't so common. Most of us are socially conditioned to do the things I just mentioned, and we actively have to avoid them. I know I do--even with everything I know, I occasionally find myself slipping back into the above behaviors, and they lead to predictable results--the death of attraction.

.

Get Your Ex Back

2008-06-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

Do you ever sit around, feeling sorry for yourself asking; when am I going to be reunited with my ex?

Is everyone happily married, or in a relationship, except for me?

Your ex boyfriend or partner may be the man you want to spend the rest of your life with.

Since he is no longer with you, chances are he will not jump out of your TV screen and he won’t turn up miraculously from under your duvet cover!

If you spend your time moaning to your friends about your ex, and telling them how much he has hurt you - it is time for you to make some big changes!

5 effective secret tips -to help get your ex back

Secret 1

During the break-up period with your ex he may have telephoned you occasionally, out of the blue; it’s now very important to keep any conversations that you have with him, to a minimum.

Secret 2

If your ex wants your attention, he will now have to work hard for it. For instance, he may start phoning you; because you are not chasing anymore. He might call you, to find out if you are all right; asking you how you are coping with the break-up, or even better, he is already missing you! Never be tempted to talk to him on the telephone; listening to his problems, or telling him just how heartbroken you are.

Secret 3

Dealing with mutual friends

STOP ‘bad mouthing’ or talking about your ex to mutual friends you share. The best secret concerning shared friends is to give the appearance of being happy at all times in their presence, even if you do feel like breaking down and crying. Keep mutual friends second guessing about you and what’s going on in your life. After all they may still be communicating with your ex. If that is the case you can use them to your advantage to make sure he knows that you are not an emotional wreck, just because you are now no longer together.

Secret 4

STOP driving past the place where he is living or working. After all, you do not want to be accused of stalking him!

Secret 5

Do not make the mistake of texting or emailing him constantly. This will just have you shouting at your cell phone screen “Come on, answer”, or checking every few minutes for a reply from him.

Getting A Little Risque With Sexy Clothes

2008-06-21T00:13:00.000-07:00

You know you’re stunning and you are anything but afraid of showing off your body. You crave the sexiest of the sexy, the raciest of the racy. What can you add to your wardrobe?

Why not claw your way into a racy catsuit? A catsuit is a one-piece dud with legs and long-sleeves that covers your whole bod. It occasionally comes with feet or gloves and is made from an array of fabrics, most commonly velour, spandex or leather. If you want a piece that will totally accentuate your curves, the cat suit wins effortlessly.

You already own a garter - but have you ever considered a sexy garter set? Conventionally, these sets encompass the garter belt, super hot nylons and on occasion come with bra and panties. You can wear the garter belt with a cute undergarment, or go completely bare! Like babydolls, chemises are another movable, breezy lingerie gown. See-through and sheer, chemises give you the option to wear on top of a coordinating bra and panties or as a sexy stand-alone outfit.

When it comes to risqu sexy clothes, the bodystocking takes the cake. This delicious piece is like the unitard’s kinky sister. It is made super-tight and usually from a delicate, translucent fabric. It can be sleeveless or have long sleeves. But the most carefree woman will be delighted to learn that the raciest bodystockings include cut-outs in the chest area for breasts to be exposed. Talk about eye candy.

Don’t forget to add a few thrilling accessories. How about some elegantly sexy gloves, like a fingerless, lacy pair? Or a midnight black leather, forearm version? Then, give your hair some flair with a sparkly scrunchie or other hair accessory.

From the subtly sexy to the full-frontal sexy, sexy clothes are everywhere. Don’t hesitate to shop around to find clothes you feel comfortable, sexy and confident in. Make every piece you own count.

Sexy Shoes For Ugly Feet

2008-06-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

When it comes to planning your outfit, have you considered your shoes? Sexy shoes can make all the difference and really top off a perfect outfit but so many women overlook their footwear.

A totally perfect outfit could be ruined if you don’t top it all off with the right footwear. Could you be neglecting your feet?

Try this: put on a sexy mini skirt and a pair of high heel boots. See if it doesn’t draw attention to your best assests. Just remember you need to take care of those legs and feet. Keep your toe nails neatly trimmed and painted. Shave your legs regularly and use lotions and creams on them. Take care of your legs and feet and you will feel wonderful every day.

When it comes to the shoes themselves, there are five great main categories that sexy shoes may fall into:

Platform Shoes Sandals Pumps Wide Width Shoes Boots

Pumps have long been considered sexy shoes. For years women have worn pumps and high heels to boost height and create a sexy curvature in the calves. From 1” for 3-4” or higher, there are many shapes, sizes and styles of pumps to complete your hot look. A great pair of pumps can make any woman look great in their outfit and feel confident in themselves.

In recent years we have seen a big come back with platform style shoes. Platforms are great for a lot of reasons. You want to add a little height? Feeling vertically challenged? Try a sexy pair of platform shoes. Not only will you feel and look taller but your legs will look longer and sexier. Just like pumps, platforms come in many different shapes and sizes. There is always a pair that will help you complete that ultimate look you want.

Who says sandals can’t be sexy? If you’re looking to make a real statement with your feet, you can choose from sleek and sexy sandals. If you want something more comfortable to dance in, you might prefer a flatter sole. High-heeled sandals, strappy sandals and those with ankle straps give you a hot look no matter what you are wearing. Sandals give you a chance to show off your feet and your great sense of style. You can even try them with your favorite pair of blue jeans.

One of my personal favorite types of footwear is boots. I’m not talking about work boots. I’m talkinga about ankle boots, knee highs, thigh highs, I like them all. Nothing sexier in my opinion than a short mini skirt or short shorts with a pair of lace up knee high boots. Stilleto heeled thigh highs are one of my favorite. I know when I put a pair of sexy boots on that I will get the attention I want. And so will you!

Have a wide foot? No problem. Most manufacturers make wide width sandals, pumps and boots. You can still feel and look sexy in your footwear all the while staying comfortable. There is nothing worse than trying to squeeze your foot into a typical pair of sandals or shoes. Just remember to take care of those feet by wearing the proper size.

You need to consider some things when picking out those sexy shoes to go with your outfits. Of course what your planning to do and where you are going is one of the most important factors to consider. Personal taste always plays a role in your choices but I’ve listed some hints to help:

* How long will you be wearing your shoes? If only a short time maybe you can be creative and wear something a little more exotic. If your planning a day of it, or a night of it you might want to choose something a bit more comfortable that will put less stress on your legs and feet.

* Whats the occasion? If your going dancing or walking, wear shoes that are comfortable. You can look great without giving up the comfort.

* Always make sure your wearing the proper size. If your shoes are too small or too large you will be uncomfortable and prolonged wearing of the wrong size shoe can lead to serious medical problems with not only your feet but with your back and legs. This is true no matter what style shoe you choose for your outfit.

* Be creative with your shoes. Don’t fall into the rut of thinking the only pair of sexy shoes are brown or black. There are lots of colors available from shoe companies so don’t be afraid to experiment with different colors.

Putting together that perfect outfit for a long night of dancing or that hot and steamy date means you don’t want to forget about your feet. Get a pedicure. Pamper those tootsys and show them off.

5 Essentials For Great Sex For Married Couples

2008-06-20T23:42:00.000-07:00

A common complaint for married couples is unsatisfactory sexuality. What makes great sex?

Here are 5 essential ingredients for not just healthy sex, but great sex!

1. Naked and Not Ashamed

Genesis 2:25 gives the building blocks to a solid foundation of a healthy marriage and sexuality: Intimacy. Dictionary.com defines shame as “the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, and ridiculous.” Adam and Eve had just met, and yet they felt “naked and not ashamed.” There was an emotional, physical, and spiritual safety. Great sex is a by product of such intimacy between two people.

2. Fly Solo with your Spouse

The sweetest sex occurs by taking the time to nurture the relationship with one person over time. Some say staying married to the same person is boring. Quite the contrary! It becomes an adventure to walk the twists and turns with your mate on this journey called life. We get to rediscover our spouse a new over time with the added benefit of knowing them from the past.

3. Have it!

In the busyness of life, it is amazing how easy sex is neglected in married couples. This can happen in all phases of marriage: newlywed, small children, adolescent children and empty nest. Somehow we think great sex comes when everything has to be perfect: the lighting, the place, the music. These are the icing, but sometimes you just have the cake, which can be equally satisfying.

4. Pleasurable techniques

Each spouse desires to satisfy their spouse sexually, yet may feel inadequate because they may lack the practical know-how. A good place to start is to just begin touching one another, especially the erogenous zones of the body: the gentials and breasts. Then share your preferences with one another. Do some research on fulfilling lovemaking techniques and utilze them.

5. Communication

Communication is simply talking about everything that makes sex better. Ambience, places, technique, and frequency are good ideas to begin to discuss with your spouse. If you want pleasurable lovemaking, then you must communicate your likes to your spouse. He/she cannot read your mind. You and your spouse can become the best sex coaches for your marriage if you are willing to communicate your sexual needs and desires.

Secrets To A Slim And Sexy Butt

2008-05-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

One of the most asked questions from women are what are the best butt exercises to firm my butt? This area seems to be a problem area for most women, and if you do the right exercises, you can see some great results.

Here are the 3 top exercises that every woman needs to know if they want a slim and sexy butt:

1. Squats- This is a great exercise that will help shape your glutes and upper thighs. To perform a squat you would pretend as if you are going to sit down on a chair, with feet shoulder width apart, knees bent, and hold weights at your side. It’Keep your head up and make sure that your back is upright and feet are pointed straight ahead. If your feet are pointed outward it may cause your hips to be tight. The deeper you go, the more you feel your glutes activated. Do anywhere from 8-15 repetitions. Another version of the squat is called a pop squat. This is similar to a squat, using no weight. Simply stay in a squat position with knees bent and jump up and pull your feet together and jump out with feet apart and repeat this movement. Perform 15-30 repetitions. To make this more challenging swing your arms all the way up when you jump up and try jumping up as high as you can off the ground. A few sets of these and you will be seeing your butt looking slim and sexy in no time.

2. Single Leg Deadlift- This exercise requires balance. Start out with a lighter weight until you get the hang of it. Simply stand on one leg and keep your knee bent. The other leg should be off the ground, so that your weight is all on one leg. Bend at your waist and hold a weight on the same side that you are going down on. As you bend at your waist, make sure the weight is in front of your leg. The idea is to touch the weight to the ground or as close as possible, then come back up and repeat. Perform 8-15 repetitions and switch legs. Performing this exercise one leg at a time you are burning more calories and doing twice the work, which means getting you closer to a slim and sexy butt.

3. Lunges-These are great for shaping the whole leg all the way up to your butt. You can perform what is called a walking lunge with weights or without. If you are doing this with weights, you would hold the weights by your side and walk. Make sure as you walk you are bending your knee and lunging forward. Keep you head up and back straight. Also, make sure that your knee doesn’t go over your toe. Count on each leg moving forward about 16-20 steps and back, this is equal to 1 set. There are other ways you can perform a lunge. Another way is to do them in place and alternate between each leg.

These 3 exercises are the best in slimming and sculpting a sexy butt, as well as burning calories. Forget about doing leg lifts, these just don’t produce the results to a firm butt, since they don’t activate the glute muscles as they should. If you stick with these simple exercises you will get results.

Sexy Back Tattoos

2008-05-26T10:08:00.000-07:00

Everybody’s seen the image of the sexy vixen. She’s thin, she’s smart, she’s witty, she’s outspoken, she’s the envy of every woman and the desire of every man - and she’s probably got one or more sexy back tattoos. Do you think it’s a coincidence? Think again.

Women who get tattoos today are still considered a bit tempting and transgressing. Perhaps it is the indelible nature of the tattoo, or possibly the fact that she is being a little bit rebellious. Probably, both of these ideas are true.

The woman who gets a sexy tattoo is a woman who knows what she wants - and who usually gets it, too. She’s not afraid to make a decision and go for it. She knows that the decision she’s making is one to last a lifetime, but she’s not scared. Instead, she’s eager to show just how happy and confident she is at this point in her life, and she probably wants to remember it forever.

This woman is probably a little bit rebellious, too. She isn’t afraid to stretch, bend, and sometimes break the rules. By getting a tattoo, she’s making a definite statement, saying, “This is who I am, and I’m not ashamed of it!” She’s not going to let anyone else tell her what it means to be feminine or to be a woman. If she wants a tattoo, then she’s going to get it, regardless of what anyone else thinks.

These women are quick-witted as well. Even though it is not fair, many people condescend toward women with tattoos. Therefore, even though this tattoo is undeniably sexy, this lady is aware that she will have to conceal it at times. Her back is the perfect location for a tattoo - she can flaunt her masterpiece by wearing short shirts and low-rise jeans, but when she needs to cover it up for business, she can hide her secret safely with a well-tailored suit.

The back is not only clever - it’s also very sexy! Men are undeniably attracted to the woman’s back. Its skin is smooth and soft; its curves are subtle, sexy, and oh-so-tempting. By getting a sexy tattoo on her back, this woman is drawing attention to one of her most flattering features.

Another great reason to choose the back for a tattoo is that it won’t hurt too badly. Some places on the body have more nerve endings than others. The wrist, for example, or the neck are frequently very painful. The skin on the back is not as sensitive, and because it is not exposed to the elements, it will hurt less and heal quickly.

The most important thing to remember about sexy back tattoos is that YOU are what makes them sexy! You can tattoo anything you want - your name, a flower, a knot, or a symbol - whatever is important to you. The sexy part is how you wear the tattoo, and when you’ve made such an empowering decision, you’ve got every reason to flaunt it.

5 Steps To Creating A Life You Love

2008-05-26T10:02:00.000-07:00

You’re probably reading this because you want to make changes in your career or another important area of your life. Maybe you don’t know exactly what those changes should be - or perhaps you know but are having trouble actually carrying them out.

I’d like to share a simple 5 step process that will help you find clarity and achieve your goals as painlessly as possible.

STEP 1 Analyse where you are now.

Ask yourself these 3 important questions:

1. What’s great about your life or job, right now? You’ll want to make sure these elements survive any transition.

2. What are your skills and strengths? Consider taking a psychometric instrument such as the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. The MBTI highlights your natural strengths and provides useful insight into the sorts of roles and environments which would allow you to flourish.

3. What motivates you? Identify your top values by reflecting on what you most enjoy doing, and asking yourself why that activity is important to you. For example if you enjoy writing, why is that? Self expression, creativity, or communication are all possible values you might respond with.

STEP 2 Where do you want to be?

Paint a vivid picture of what you would like to be doing and where you would like to be doing it.

Make sure this vision of your new work and lifestyle gives you the opportunity to express your most important values. Find something that symbolizes this endpoint for you. Maybe a photo, or a quote, or a clipping from a magazine. Display it prominently! If part of the problem is that you don’t have a clear idea of where you want to be, try to pin down what it is you don’t want. This is usually a lot easier! List tasks, environments, types of people, situations and topics that drain, irritate or upset you. Then turn it round - what would the opposite look like? If you have too many potential avenues, prioritise. Which one would you most regret never exploring?

STEP 3 Bridge the gap

Turn your vision into SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time bound)and break these down into smaller steps. Assign dates. If you don’t know what all of the actions are, who do you need to talk to, or what desk research can you do, to find out? Put your plan somewhere you will see it every day.

STEP 4 Remove obstacles

What’s stopped you achieving goals in the past? How can you prevent a repetition. What potential new obstacles do you foresee. How can you avoid them? What additional resources do you need: time, money, people, information? What do you need to do to put these in place. Isolation is a common obstacle. Enlist the support of family and friends and keep them informed and interested in what you are doing.

STEP 5 Keep Going!

Create some momentum - try to do something small towards your goal every day. Be philosophical: treat “failures” as part of the learning curve. Celebrate as you tick off each milestone Perseverance is key. Keep your sense of humour, and remember nothing worthwhile is ever easy!

The Perfect Chocolate

2008-05-26T09:47:00.001-07:00

Chocolate is the new ‘Black’. Its making waves in all the health circles, as its health benefits appeal to medical and health practitioners with diverse educations and specialties. Laboratory studies reveal its potent anti-oxidant actions, and ‘chocolate parties’ reveal a great many other positive effects.

We’ve all seen the surveys where many women would prefer chocolate over love making (this does not seem to be the case in European countries, however); add to this the results of an Italian study mentioning that women who eat chocolate have enjoyment in the bedroom, and the subject gets a little spicy. Spicy enough even to consider adding a healthy dose of chocolate to your life? Need more reasons? Chocolate makes your bones more dense, it prevents heart disease, its thought to attract abundance, and its full of mood-boosting and intelligence-boosting neurotransmitter precursors. Healthy, wealthy, wise and happy. So it is as easy and eating all the Hershey’s bars you can get a hold of? Well, not quite…

Like so many things in our modern world, its the processing of chocolate that makes all the difference. This isn’t just the New Age Hippy types saying this either (as one, the author feels comfortable making this statement). The scientists measuring all the chemicals in our food, telling us which bits are good and which are bad are saying it too. It’s RAW, minimally-processed chocolate that’s the miracle food. Un-roasted, un-cooked plain old powdered chocolate, better known as ‘Cacao’, is far superior in every way for your health. Cacao is one of the few foods on the planet now being called a ‘super’-food, as it’s nutrient density is so high and its health benefits are so great. Note that ‘organic’ does not mean ‘raw’. Even the premium organic hot-chocolate powders found in the high-end health food stores is still roasted and usually processed with alkali (called ‘Dutch Processing’, making it easier to dissolve in water, and destroying most of the antioxidants at the same time). This means that 99% of the chocolate products on the shelves are NOT the superfood you wished they were, but it also points the direction to how to include chocolate in your life on an exceptionally health daily basis. We’ll get to some recipes in a moment, but first a few points to help you remember why raw chocolate is where it’s at.

First the question of Caffeine. Many folks are sensitive to caffeine’s effect on their nervous system. It raises blood pressure, shortens tempers and keeps people awake. There are however, significant differences in the alkaloid structures of raw and roasted chocolate. Raw chocolate’s stimulation comes primarily from theobromine, which has little anxiety producing effects. Studies by natural wellness professionals and user reports both note that while commercially prepared dark chocolate has a very stimulating action that caffeine sensitive individuals may find too strong, an equivalent amount of raw cacao does not. The stimulating effects are reported mild, gentle, and without a ‘crash’ that is often associated with caffeine. A reason for mothers to think about creating their own raw chocolate treats for their children, too. The jury is still out on the actual amount if caffeine in raw chocolate; some investigators have found none, some have found small amounts in the ‘skin’ of the cacao beans, and others of found only small amounts in beans that have fermented somewhat (an indication of a lower-quality cacao). Either way, if you’ve refrained from chocolate because of it’s caffeine content, raw cacao may just be your answer to enjoying this treat again.

The really big news about chocolate has been it’s antioxidant profile. Chocolate contains significant amounts of polyphenols—the same important antioxidants found in green tea, red wine and green apples—but in greater amounts. Dark chocolate contains an impressive 5% of these compounds, yet raw chocolate is made up of an incredible 10% concentration of these possibly life-extending molecules. Both roasting and processing with alkali (to make Dutch cocoa) reduce antioxidant concentration. Further, the increased absorbability of powdered raw cacao (perhaps the most versatile form of raw chocolate) over cacao nibs give them an edge in ORAC value, a measure of Oxidative Radical Absorbance Capacity.

Maybe the most intriguing constituents of chocolate are it’s mood-altering chemicals besides its stimulation. Many users of raw chocolate find and even greater boost than from commercial chocolates. Like caffeine, some of the molecules attributed to mood-enhancement are also heat sensitive. Tryptophan, a precursor to serotonin, is present in significant amounts and is known to be broken down by heat (and apparently it’s not the Tryptophan in the turkey dinners that makes one tired, it’s the three servings followed by pie and ice cream!). Other natural constituents are dopamine and precursors to dopamine, one molecule called the ‘love chemical’ and another called the ‘bliss chemical’. Add to these monoamine oxidase inhibitors which actually enhance the activity of all of the above mood brighteners. Finally, there’s lots of easily absorbed magnesium in raw chocolate, a mineral associated with serotonin production (many pharmaceutical antidepressants increase serotonin activity), and the ability to relax. Raw chocolate offers the healthiest and most effective means of adding these happy-making nutrients to your daily diet.

Need more be said? Ready for some recipes? The simplest means of eating raw chocolate is snacking on cacao nibs. These are small pieces of cacao beans that mix well with natural granolas or dried fruit. To really get the most benefits, and for the most delicious raw chocolate creations, find yourself a source of raw organic cacao powder. The powder can be added to any drink, or easily made into bars, drops or other shaped candies. By far the most often enjoyed recipe for raw chocolate powder is the simple chocolate drink: Put one heaping tablespoon raw cacao powder, one teaspoon raw agave nectar, and one teaspoon high quality coconut oil in a blender (note that coconut oil quality varies greatly - a good coconut oil should taste pleasant by itself and have no chemical or rancid flavor which would otherwise be noticed in your chocolate drink). Add eight to twelve ounces of hot (but not boiling water) and blend at low speed for about ten seconds. That’s it; Chocolate magic that’s easily adjusted to your tastes—experimenting in whatever way comes to mind is highly encouraged.

There are lots and lots of recipes out there, and great reading on raw chocolate’s health benefits and preparation. You’ll cacao powder often combined with other super nutritious foods in smoothies and good-for-you deserts. Natural organic candies start with the same ingredients as the drinks, but without the liquid. Mixing the chocolate and coconut oil is easiest with your hands (as this gently melts the coconut oil)—making a paste to which you can add any little natural crunchy treats. As you’re not baking anything, there’s little to go awry, and really, so many possibilities. By using raw chocolate, you’ll open up a whole new world of cooking for yourself and your family—and if you hadn’t before, you might just find yourself really motivated to treat yourself to natural health and wellness.

How Perfumes Make You Sexy

2008-05-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

What attracts you to the opposite sex?

What makes a guy and a girl fall in love?

Is it the way they look?

Things they have in common?

A special connection?

Or is it the way they smell to each other?

Actually, the way you smell plays an important part in the mating game. It is true in the animal world. Like it or not, it is also true among people.

Ever heard about pheromones? That is the secret of sexual attraction.

In the animal world, pheromones attract member the opposite sex irresistably when the animal is in heat. Think about the female cat who attracts male cats in droves, who fight over her when she is in heat.

Among insects, a starving cockroach on the verge of dying from hunger would rather follow the source of pheromones with the hope of mating, rather than go for the food that would save his life.

Humans are not spared from the effects of pheromones either. That fuzzy feeling a woman gets near the presence of her special guy could well be due to pheromones. Likewise, men are attracted to a woman, by her looks, her personality, and the pheromones she produces.

Everyone has a million apocrine glands whose sole function is to produce a smell. These only become active upon puberty. Upon sexual maturity. A sex scent, if you will.

Did you know that in certain parts of the world, during village dances, girls would hold slices of apple in their armpits while they dance. Then, they would offer the sweat soaked apples to the guys they fancy.

Perfumes as we know them were first used by Egyptians to embalm the dead bodies of mummies. Later, perfumes were used before sex. To get both parties in a more romantic mood.

Jasmine, patchouli, sandalwood, rose, ylang ylang and a number of other aromatherapy oils used in perfumery are known for their aphrodisiac properties.

I remember reading an amusing incident about a guy who used sandalwood as a sore throat remedy. It has an interesting side effect. It increased his libido significantly. That means sandalwood perfumes do make you sexier.

Patchouli has a sweet, very strong, musky scent that is considered very sexy. On its own, it is the kind of scent you either love or hate, as it can be overpowering, but when blended into a perfume with other notes, it gives the perfume a sexier feel.

Ylang ylang has a strong, womanly scent. Ylang ylang can be overpowering but when used lightly or in blends, it is said to put one in a romantic mood. Ylang ylang perfumes are ideal for that romantic night out.

Jasmine perfume has a very sensual fragrance. Jasmine essential oil itself exerts an effect on a female hormones. It is used in aromatherapy to balance hormones and to boost confidence. Jasmine is popular in perfumes as it has a strong erogenous effect on people.

Then there is musk which on its own, is a potent masculine scent. With other scents, it might be barely detectable yet it gives the perfume bouquet an air of mystery. Even the lightest, most flowery perfumes contain a trace of musk.

Perfumes are often used like pheromones, for that aphrodisiac effect. Look at all the perfume ads. They usually center around romance, or seduction.

Going a step further, perfumes, also make you feel good about yourself. Many women buy perfumes for the sheer beauty of the fragrances. Perfumes can make you smell wonderful. They can make your shower a luxurious experience. You set out to face the world, knowing you smell simply fabulous and that gives you that confidence which is really sexy.

How to Apply your Tanning Lotion

2008-05-06T10:09:00.000-07:00

A great tan is associated with health and beauty. While a bronze look is desirable, especially in the summer or on holiday -- we all know the dangers of the sun's UV rays. Is a temporary tan worth the permanent sun damage, wrinkles, and skin cancer risk? Absolutely not!

You can save time and avoid these risks entirely with sunless tanning lotion. Today's self-tanners give you a deep golden tan, not the orange look of years ago.

Many new self tanning lotions are tinted and these are the ones I recommend. Not only do they give you an initial tan, you're more likely to apply the lotion evenly and avoid streaking.

First, take a shower or bath and exfoliate your skin. Pay special attention to your elbows, knees and any other rough spots. These areas will soak up the self tanning lotion and turn darker so you need to get rid of any dead skin.

Pat yourself dry and pin your hair up. Apply regular body or hand lotion to the dry spots you exfoliated. Allow yourself several minutes to completely dry.

You may choose to wear thin gloves to put on the self tanning lotion and avoid getting it on your hands, but applying it with your bare hands will probably result in a more even application. It's your choice.

Start applying the lotion from the bottom - up, bracing your foot on a chair or stool. Rub in lightly, you can always go back later and apply a second time.

Don't forget the areas that would tan naturally in the sun, the back of your legs, knees, arms, and neck. When applying to your face, remember to smooth it on your eyelids and into your hairline -- avoiding your eyes and hair. For people with sensitive skin, there are self tanning lotions formulated specifically for your face and will result in a more natural look.

If you will be wearing your hair up, don't forget to apply the self tanner on the back of your neck, and behind your ears to look more natural.

When you're finished, wash your hands thoroughly if you chose not to wear gloves, so your palms don't turn an unnatural color. Use a hand towel to dry them completely.

Before the lotion dries, it's more likely to tan what you're wearing too, so let yourself dry and put on some loose clothing. If you're going to be sitting on a cloth chair or couch, sit on a towel to avoid staining.

For a deep, dark tan before a special occasion, apply self tanning lotion before bed, and again in the morning. Before you go out, check yourself in the mirror for any streaks and correct them with a damp paper towel. Apply bronzing powder to your face and shoulders for a finishing touch, and hit the town!

How To Look Your Best On Your Wedding Day

2008-05-06T09:55:00.000-07:00

Every bride wants to look perfect on her wedding day. Selecting a dress that will make you look and feel great is an important first step.

But what happens when you look in the mirror and don't think you look quite as good as you could?

When this happens it’s not uncommon for brides to try quick-fix diets to help them get in shape. Unfortunately, many dieting brides make fitness mistakes that not only prevent them from reaching their goals but also cause unnecessary stress and sometimes even illness. Those are two things no bride needs! Here are five of the most common diet mistakes as well as some tips to help you avoid them.

1. Too much, too late.

One of the most important things to remember if you are trying to lose weight is to start early. For example, don’t try to lose 20 pounds two months before the big day. The key is to plan ahead so that you can lose the weight (or just tone up) gradually. So if you’re dream-wedding day includes you being in great shape, then include fitness as a “to-do” on your overall wedding checklist. That way it will be a priority in your wedding planning.

2. Setting unachievable goals.

Many women get engaged and begin imagining themselves drastically thinner or more sculpted. Be realistic with yourself. If you’ve never been a size 6 in your life, then it is probably unrealistic to think you can magically transform just because you are getting married. And, do you really want to look so different on your wedding day that most people (including your fiancé) hardly recognize you?

3. Radical diets or fitness programs.

Brides typically are short on time and long on to-do lists. This leads many to try unhealthy fitness programs or starvation diets. Don’t be tempted by diets that promise quick, drastic results with little effort from you. You should avoid any programs that suggest taking “diet” pills or eating unbalanced meals (like eating only cabbage soup for a week). And, don’t be lured into trying dangerous things, like laxatives.

4. Not exercising.

It’s very easy for brides to say “I don’t have time to exercise” or “I’m too tired to exercise”. But diet and exercise should always go hand in hand. Consider them to be like yin and yang. Without activity your body can’t burn as many calories. If you are very short on time, try to exercise in small 10-minute bursts throughout the day. And, keep in mind that little things help too, like taking the stairs or parking at the outer edge of the mall parking lot. Plus, if you are tired from all of your planning, exercise will help give you back some energy.

5. Skipping Meals

It’s not uncommon to get caught up in your planning and then realize at 9 p.m. (as your head begins to ache) that you haven’t eaten a thing all day. While it may not be an uncommon scenario, it is unavoidable. Not only is skipping meals unhealthy, it can lead to binge eating. That often means eating very fattening foods and/or overeating all at once. To avoid this, try packing light snacks to keep on hand throughout the day. Good examples include carrot sticks, cheese strings, peanut butter on crackers, etc.

Getting in shape doesn’t have to be complicated and it doesn’t require a lot of time. If you are trying to lose weight or firm up before your wedding, below are some sample plans to help you get started. Keep in mind that the most important thing is for a bride to feel good about herself. And no matter what size or shape, all brides are beautiful on their wedding day!

Sample Exercise FITscription:
20 – 30 minutes of cardiovascular exercise (3 – 5 time per week)
Example: 2-5 minutes of brisk walking, 2-5 minutes of jumping jacks (repeat for 20 – 30 minutes)

Sample Meal Plan:
Eat 5-7 small meals per day (meals should include protein, grains, vegetables, etc. to meet the food pyramid daily requirements)
Example: Small, grilled, skinless chicken breast
Slice of whole wheat bread
Slice of cheese
Mixed Vegetables
Glass of Water (2 or 3 would be even better)

How to Fulfil Your Dreams

2008-05-01T05:50:00.000-07:00

The future belongs to those
who believe in the quality of their dreams.

According to Bill Gates there are 3 keys to success in any new venture:

1) Being in the right place at the right time. (You could well be already there!)

2) Have a vision of where the industry/business you're working in is going!

3) Taking Massive and Immediate Action! (It is time to act!)

Here are my 15 steps to fulfilling your wildest dreams...

1. KNOW YOURSELF. Know and accept your weaknesses and faults (we all have them), but even more so your strengths, abilities and gifts. Build on your strengths and try to minimize or improve on your weaknesses. An honest, objective analysis of yourself is the first step in preparing you for success and realizing your dreams. Celebrate you for just being you, a unique creation.

Aim for mental clarity about what you most want out of life. Think about it and write it down. If it's happiness, what do you mean by happiness: a sense of belonging, recognition, independence, love, money or security? If you don't know where you are and where you want to go with your life, how will you ever get there? Aim at nothing and you're sure to hit it.

2. GET PASSIONATE. Don't apologize for getting passionate. What excites you the most? If you are not enthusiastic and excited about what you're doing, your path in life, you'll never get others to share your dream. Once you find your passion, you will have found your POWER, MEANING and PURPOSE in life.

3. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH POSITIVE PASSION. Always be aware. Negative people will poison your dream faster than anything else. Motto: "If you can't be positive, shut up!" Try and stay positive...even in the face of negativity.

4. ACCEPT FROM THE START THAT YOU WON'T PLEASE EVERYONE. You're going to be misunderstood, misquoted, hurt some feelings, perhaps even lose some friends (for the time being). Motto: "What other people think of me is none of my business!" Repeat this statement to yourself, especially when you doubt or feel discouraged.

5. ALWAYS BE YOURSELF. To thine own self be true. (Shakespeare's "Hamlet", act I.3.) This is supremely important, no matter what the world may think of you. The masses are conditioned to mediocrity and other people's success can make them not feel inferior for their own insignificant little lives.

Accept yourself. Learn from others--but don't be intimidated by them, or pretend to be someone you're not; because... "We are most effective when we're being ourselves."

6. DON'T BE SCARED OF MAKING MISTAKES. The only real mistake is one from which you learn nothing. Motto: "Far better to try something and fail, than try nothing and succeed!"

7. ACCEPT THAT IT WILL NEVER BE EASY. Realizing your dream may be the hardest, most uphill thing you'll ever do. A truth ... "You can't coast uphill."

The key ingredient in success is never giving up. Keep on keeping on with your quest. It has been said that "success is 99% made up of failures".

8. STAY HUMBLE. (no matter how successful you may be.) Don't ever think you've made it and arrived--there's always a lot ahead, more to do, higher mountains to climb. Motto: "The greatest way to do our thing has yet to be discovered!"

9. DON'T UNDERESTIMATE YOURSELF. There is incredible power in yourself (in the form of the unique human mind), but far more so in the forces of the Universe. Make them work for you by living your life in harmony with these natural forces. Like positive energy attracts like.

Enough "spiritual" thoughts! Back to the "real world" and you. Avoid developing an inferiority complex (Who am I, a 'nothing'?"). Don't be filled with feelings of self pity ("nobody likes me"), or think "I can't do it". These thoughts will steal your dream.

10. HAVE FUN. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems--don't get too solemn, or serious or too downcast when things go wrong (as they surely will from time to time). Take a leaf from Thomas Edison's book: "I never did a day's work in my entire life: it was all FUN!"

Laugh at life's funny moments... and there are plenty of them. "The secret of happiness is not in doing what one likes, but in liking what one does." -J.M. Barrie

11. DEVELOP 'THE WILL TO LIVE'. There will be plenty of times when you'll face the death of your dream. When failures, disappointments, and criticisms come you need the will and faith to keep going. Remember: We learn far more from our failures than our successes, because failures show us what doesn't work. So, failure is just one step closer to ultimate success. Often the difference between failure and success is trying just one more time, picking yourself up off the canvas after being knocked down time and again.

12. DEVELOP 'THE WILL TO HELP AND SERVE OTHERS'. Success on its own (i.e., for its own sake) will pollute and corrupt you--it's a dead end street unless you have meaning in your life. The years of struggle breed fortitude and character. The gold may be an inch away from the seam, where your fellow miners have given up. You need to succeed for a reason, a purpose, a cause that's bigger than you! and IF (a very big if) you've fulfilled all the above requirements...

13. ALWAYS BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR OPPORTUNITIES. They are all around you. There are no permanent problems--only solutions, possibilities and opportunities. The Chinese word for 'crisis' means 'danger' + 'opportunity'.

14. If you truly believe in what you are doing, DEVELOP THE 'WILL TO SUCCEED' with absolute commitment. It is not enough to just survive, aim at being the best you can possibly be! Keep your dream big, bold and even outrageous--don't water it down or settle for mediocrity... even if others think you are crazy! Trust in your judgment, your intuition and your creative mind to overcome any obstacles. "Be bold and mighty, unseen forces come to your aid."

15. NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM! Be patient. Don't be in too much of a hurry to achieve your goals and dreams. Be persistent and never quit. As the saying goes, 'Winners never quit and quitters never win.'

Always remember, when you think you've exhausted all your possibilities, you really haven't--there's always another way, a better way...and even more importantly, there's always another day!

Life is not a dress rehearsal, it's the main event. GO FOR THAT DREAM. It is within you and within your reach.

Had Enough of Cheating?

2008-05-01T05:14:00.000-07:00

Most people do not understand the nature of cheating within a relationship. Let’s begin by taking a look at that before going any further.

Even though it always seems and is horribly unfair to any victim of infidelity, there are always two sides to every story.

The person who cheats doesn’t easily fit into a single mold. There are those who will cheat once and never repeat the mistake. Some will continue the practice until they feel satiated. Others make a lifestyle out of being unfaithful. If you are considering how to handle a cheating partner, you must first decide how likely it is that they will repeat the same behavior over again.

The best-case scenario for any type of reconciliation between two people when one cheats are situations where the Cheater confesses. People who admit to cheating without having been caught or even suspected are unlikely to repeat their mistake. It might take a bit of prodding to discover the reason for their unfaithfulness, however, in most cases it’s because they were completely frustrated with their life.

Regardless of the cause, Frustration is a powerful emotion that can cause people to seek escape. Some will escape by abandoning a relationship or family, others will escape by cheating and many just become abusive because they do not know how to handle what they‘re feeling. These are all bad choices brought on by the sensation that they have become boxed in to a situation that constantly frustrates them. Although unfortunate, sometimes the act of cheating brought on by frustration is a catalyst for both parties to come together in a productive way that wasn‘t previously possible.

The worst-case scenario for reconciliation involves people who cheat for selfish reasons. Although they may justify their actions with psychobabble, habitual Cheaters will emotionally destroy many partners, break families apart and go through a large number of relationships before they stop or simply run out of steam. These are nightmare partners that everyone should take extra caution to avoid. Unfortunately, they also tend to be extremely effective at deception and appear very desirable. Not surprisingly, these people are the hardest for cheating victims to walk away from.

The foremost consideration anyone who has been burned by cheating has to think about is the desire of the person who betrayed them for reconciliation. You cannot go to them; they have to come to you. Once they do, you have to be sure it will not happen again. Unless you know your partner very well and can account for their actions, you will probably not be able to reassure yourself that it was a one-time event. If you can get past all that, move the spotlight on to yourself.

It is important to be sure, you can live with their betrayal of your relationship before you go further. No one expects you to forget, but you have to be willing to forgive. Otherwise, your relationship may turn into a vicious circle of mistrust, revenge and unspoken hate. If you say you will forgive, you have to mean it. Nevertheless, before you do, be sure that your partner understands the kind of damage they have or could have done.

It’s easy to believe that a Cheater cheats himself or herself more then anyone else in terms of losing the ability to enjoy a meaningful relationship. However, many Cheaters leave ruined lives in their wake. Whether it’s innocent children who end in a broken home or a former partner who is left emotionally destroyed, some one besides themselves often pays for what a Cheater does.

If you can move past forgiveness and making sure the Cheater understands how devastating their act was, it’s time for some serious work to begin on mending the relationship. It’s like going back to square one. You have to be sure the conditions that may have caused or allowed for the betrayal are eradicated from your relationship. For example, the person who your partner cheated with has to be out of the picture. No friendship, once in a while meet ups or anything.

Apart from staring at internet porn or getting the seven-year itch for greener grass in the neighbor’s yard, the root cause of the problem has to be discovered, discussed and dealt with. Things will never be the same between yourself and your partner again. You have to find common ground, strengthen the love that remains and support one another in every way possible.

Impact Of Viagra On Love And Relationships

2008-05-01T05:07:00.000-07:00

Viagra was first introduced to the world in 1998 and it is fair to say that the world has not been the same since. The impact of this medication has been enormous, not just in the narrow area of treating erectile dysfunction (ED) for which it was approved, but also in the way we think of sex and sexuality, and even in the realm of relationships between men and women.

Millions of men in the United States have tried Pfizer's wonder drug, sildenafil, better known as Viagra, and there are thus millions of women who have also seen its effects on their husbands, boyfriends, and lovers. Many other millions of men and women wonder about whether Viagra can offer a solution for their own sexual and emotional problems or for the problems of their partners. We human beings are sexual animals, after all. And unfortunately, our sex lives are not always the way we want them to be. So it's no surprise that when sex goes sour, relationships suffer in other ways as well.

Everyone wants to know about Viagra, and many are interested in trying it, whether or not they think they have an erection problem. There are always a good number of Viagra questions, such as, "What happens when a young, healthy man with normal sexual function takes Viagra?" Or "Can a woman tell during sex that her partner has taken Viagra?" Or "Is it true that Viagra increases a man's sex drive?" Viagra quickly tapped into a set of wishful fantasies that mirrored our culture's hunger for certainty and the quick fix. Supported by stories that described elderly men restored to such sexual vitality by Viagra that they abandoned their wives in favor of younger women, a conventional wisdom arose that Viagra was a fountain of youth, a sure cure, the real deal. Baby boomers could now look forward to fabulous sex well into their nineties. Men shared Viagra stories with each other at cocktail parties or around the office water cooler.

"All we can say is 'Wow!'" says one man, and other men listening in wonder how their lives might be different if they also took the magic blue pill. Women too have been targeted to confirm Viagra's ability to create satisfaction and serenity within a relationship where frustration and friction had once been the rule. One of the most successful early Pfizer ads showed a series of couples happily dancing together after Viagra apparently cured the loss of rhythm in their relationship.

Viagra jokes became a staple of comedy acts on late-night television (Have you heard the one about the man who swallowed Viagra, but it stuck in his throat? He wound up with a very stiff neck!), thus ensuring its place in our cultural lexicon. Viagra tapped into both our fantasies and our embarrassment about sexuality in a way that no other drug had ever done. When, for example, was the last time you heard a joke about a new cholesterol-lowering medication?

Skillful marketing contributed to our perception of Viagra as the pill that put the "man" in "manly." Star professional athletes-vigorous men such as baseball's Most Valuable Player Rafael Palmeiro of the Texas Rangers and NASCAR driver Mark Martin-endorse the medication in widely seen advertisements. Other kinds of athletes use Viagra as well. Hugh Hefner, the aging head of the Playboy empire who is known for his bevy of beautiful blondes, gives Viagra credit for maintaining his pleasure quotient. Rumor has it that he provides bowls of Viagra tablets at his famous parties.

Yes, the drug is enormously powerful, and it can be a lifesaver for many men, but it has also turned a bright spotlight on previously hidden areas of sexuality and relationships. In particular, it forces couples to decide what is real in their relationships and what is not. I have come to see Viagra as providing a window into the psyche of men, and perhaps indirectly into the psyche of women as well, since women are not immune from unduly high expectations regarding the benefits of Viagra and its potential to provide sexual healing.

Rules of Online Dating

2008-05-01T04:54:00.000-07:00

If you’re bored of regular dating or you’ve heard of this thing called online dating and you’re curious to try it out, why not? Similar to dating you can still meet men, make friends and perhaps even more!

But online dating is not all fun and games and there are a lot of things that a person has to know about online dating before one gets into the intricacies of it. Online dating may seem to be the simplest thing in the world but it is not. It should be viewed in all earnestness or things could go hay wire. Every game has its rules and unless you know all the rules you just can’t become a good player and eventually a winner.

Online dating is, to put is very simply a free dating service that with the help of a machine namely the computer via the Internet. That in itself makes the idea and the process a very novel one indeed. Hundreds of happy single people across the globe have been successful in finding suitable partners by the means of online dating.

The reason is pretty simple. It is very much the same reason that the internet itself became so popular. The Internet opens up a whole new world of communication and contact. Online dating is fast, you can have as much privacy as you want and it’s cheap!

In order to enjoy it and succeed at online dating there are a few rules to remember and they are:

• If you don’t know where to start internet dating, just hit some chat rooms of your interest. There you’ll be able to meet interesting people who have the same hobbies and preferences.

• You can either write your own personal ad or get a dating service to do it for you. It’s of course better if you can write your own personals to give it your special touch. Feel free to embellish on certain details but as much as possible be honest with what you put in it. It is of course important to remember that people will judge you depending on what you write so you might want to be careful about that.

• After you’ve met someone you think you’re interested in, get to know them better by moving into a private chat room with them.

• Don’t worry about making mistakes and goofing up when you’re trying out online dating. You are hidden behind the anonymity of the internet and you can erase your mistakes a lot easier than you could if you had goofed up in real life. So just go out there and chat up a storm with anyone who seems remotely interesting.

Relationship's Problems

2008-05-01T04:44:00.000-07:00

If you’ve never been in a relationship before than it’s no surprise that you wouldn’t know what to do. But don’t panic, being in romantic relationships can be very rewarding and you might actually enjoy it compared to dating and one night stands. However like everything else being in a relationship has its problems.

The way to enjoy a relationship is to try to avoid as many of these problems as possible. And when you can’t you have to be willing to work things out in order to salvage your relationship instead of just deciding that things are not working out at the first sign of trouble.

Romantic relationships can work but you have to put effort into making it work. The first thing to remember is that when you are in a relationship, it involves two people. And the most important thing you need to do in a relationship is to compromise. Learn that you can’t always have your way, but you have to know when to put your foot down. Giving and taking is part of life and is crucial to keeping a relationship successful. As a man it is vital that you figure out when you need to give. Over giving is a turn off because women will start to view you as a pushover. So just like dating, remember to be nice but not too nice.

Women also love men who are thoughtful so making dinner arrangements, surprising her with dates and romantic gifts also help keep the relationship afloat. Again you can’t do this too often or she will come to expect it. Worse she will assume that you’ve done something wrong and you would have created problems for yourself when nothing was wrong with your relationship in the first place.

The next part of maintaining romantic relationships comes from communicating with your partner. You have to understand that women and men communicate differently. A lot of relationship problems actually occur because of simple misunderstandings when the couples are unable to communicate with one another. Take the time to understand your partner and how she is feeling (especially when she is emotional and needs time to calm down). I’m not saying that you need to take the emotional rubbish that women dish out but you have to try to understand where she is coming from and deal with it appropriately and not just slam the door on your way out.

Of course the biggest problem that relationships deal with are jealousy and betrayal. It would help greatly if neither your or your girlfriend are cheating types of course. As for jealousy if your girlfriend is the jealous type, either dump her if you can’t deal with that, or work out an arrangement with her. Get her to understand that woman A is just a close friend or colleague and nothing more. If you have jealousy issues you might want to meet up with her guy friend and who knows, you could be best of friends. But if that doesn’t work out, the best way to deal with it is to try to get over the jealousy issue because if you continue to harp at it your relationship will fail and that guy would have won.

Romantic relationships will come across problems. This is normal and the only way for you to ensure that you can maintain your relationship is to avoid as many of them as you can is to not give up on it. If you don’t think you can commit to a relationship then its better not to get into one at all because it will come with a whole bunch of problems that you might not have been ready to face.

Body Language When Dating

2008-05-01T04:05:00.000-07:00

If you’re on a first date and you’re trying to figure out what Mr. or Ms. Potentially Right thinks about you, look downward.

“The key to a man’s heart isn’t his stomach. It’s his feet,” says Lisa Daily, author of “Stop Getting Dumped!” (Subtitle: “All You Need to Know to Make Men Fall Madly in Love With You and Marry ‘The One’ in 3 Years or Less.”)

As it turns out, the foot rule also applies to women.

“Watch the feet of the person you’re attracted to,” she tips. “People who are attracted to each other subconsciously try to ‘line up’ with the other person. Where the toes point, the heart follows.”

When you take the Sherlock Holmes approach to reading your date, trying to sleuth out whether he/she thinks you’re hot (or not), body language is the smoking gun, my dear Watson.

“Even if we’ve got our game faces on, the body doesn’t lie,” Daily says.

In fact, studies reveal that only 7% of our communication is verbal, according to Mari Smith, a relationship coach based in San Diego, California. The other 93% is nonverbal.

Tips & Clues

Men send out the following tips when they’re interested in you, according to Daily and Smith:

Smiling.
Extended eye contact.
Grooming behaviors (straightening their ties, pulling up their socks).
Upright stance or posture.
Standing with their chests thrust outward and shoulders back (think of a giant preening peacock).
Ego-driven comments about their successes in life (jobs, cash, their cars).

“He may have one hand in his pocket, with his thumb sticking out, or tuck his thumbs in his belt,” Smith adds.

As for the so-called “fairer” sex, look for the following nonverbal cues from a woman:

Extended eye contact and smiling (just like men).
Leaning inward or toward you.
Exposing her neck, hands or palms.
Flipping her hair (with her hands or a twist of the head) or twirling it playfully.
Crossing and uncrossing her legs.
Fondling cylindrical objects like the stem of a wine glass, straw, pen or cigarette. (Paging Dr. Freud…)

“Houston, We Have a Problem”

“For both sexes, there are also signs that things are not going well,” says Daily, who notes that distasteful dates, traumatic breakups and consequent crisis periods often call for “a few Nora Ephron movies and two tubes of frozen cookie dough eaten right out of the package.”

Look for speech patterns that are wildly out of sync. “He’s a slow talker, while she’s a thousand-words-a-minute,” she says.

Defensive body language—arms crossed in front of the chest or hands subconsciously protecting the groin area.

Someone who keeps looking over your shoulder while you speak.

“When someone is not interested in you, they will typically point their body and feet away from you and position themselves at a greater distance,” Smith adds.

Saying Goodnight…or Saying Goodbye?

As your date winds down, other cues foreshadow your relationship’s future.

“If you give your date a hug on the doorstep and he or she pats you on the back, it’s a sign of discomfort,” Daily says. “The more uncomfortable your date feels, the bigger the pat. The other obvious, not-so-great sign is going in for the doorstep kiss—and getting a handshake instead.” (Ouch!)

Positive signals are much easier to read: a concrete invitation for a second date, with firm plans—not just “let’s do this again” or “I’ll call you sometime,” Daily says.

The Flirt Factor

Flirting with your date—and being on the receiving end—meets Sherlock’s criteria for irrefutable evidence that your lovely evening may evolve into a bona fide relationship.

Daily takes it one step further, asserting that flirting is “absolutely necessary.”

“Flirting is how we communicate our interest—and how we connect emotionally before we connect physically,” she says. “Generally, flirting is harmless, but it can sometimes be interpreted incorrectly by the ‘flirtee.’ The key is to pay attention to the tone of the flirtation and wait to see how the flirter responds if you try to take it up a notch. If she backs down, she was probably just flirting for fun. If she escalates the flirting in turn, she’s communicating interest.”

“Use attitude, voice and body synchronization to make others feel like they have a special rapport with you,” advises Nicholas Boothman, a communication specialist and author of “ How to Make Someone Love You Forever in 90 Minutes or Less.” He encourages those he counsels to learn to “access—and rev up—your sex appeal, without going over the top.”

Translation?

Create chemistry by mirroring your partner’s physical presence and verbal behavior.

“When you synchronize your overall body language, your tone, the speed and volume of your voice, and even the type of words you use—as well as your attitude—people feel safe, familiar and trusting with you,” he tells.

Smith believes women have the edge—and a lot more fun—when it comes to flirting. (Sorry, guys…)

“Playful, lighthearted behavior is really the domain of women,” she says, “and typically men love it and gravitate toward the woman who looks the most fun. It certainly pays to familiarize yourself with all of the signs of attraction so you know how and when to communicate interest—and make sure you’re sending the right message!”

Save Your Marriage

2008-05-01T03:07:00.000-07:00

Every marriage has its ups and downs, its rough periods. Even in the best of circumstances, there are going to be difficult times.

People change.

Circumstances change.

Emotions change.

Over time, the natural ebb and flow of everyday life places incredible pressure on a relationship.

Almost unnoticed at first, you begin to think thoughts that had once been unthinkable. "I love him, but I'm not in love with him. Not anymore." "I'm not attracted to her, not like I was in the beginning." "Maybe if we separated for awhile ..."

The skies can darken in a hurry.

But if you survive these darkest of times, you may find you emerge with a stronger, more trusting relationship than you ever imagined possible.

Here are a few tips that might help you toward that goal ...

Have a clear understanding of your expectations. Couples rarely take the time to discuss how the little things will work. What does romance mean to each of you? How will the finances be handled? How will your children be raised? What role will religion play in your relationship? What makes you feel loved? What hurts you? How will arguments be resolved? How will decisions be made? What do you need from your spouse, what does your spouse need from you?

Don't fight unfairly. There will always be disagreements. Deal with the matter at hand. Don't drudge up all your hurts and disappointments from the past. Those are different matters, to be handled separately, at a different time. Keep focused on the issue under discussion and avoid muddying the waters with generalized personal attacks ("You're always nagging." "You never do anything unless I tell you to do it first.")

Face the issues that are facing you. Hiding from reality never leads to a happy ending. If you're experiencing financial problems, admit it, get it out in the open.

Be honest with yourself. Take a step back and give yourself a good long look in the mirror. If your behavior is undermining your relationship (whether it's the way you communicate, or how you treat your spouse, or your personal destructive behavior) own up to it.

Take the initiative. Understand that waiting for your spouse to change first will likely result in no change at all. Actions come first. Thoughts and feelings follow. Change your behaviors and watch your spouse's behaviors change in response.

Rebuild compatibility. Time has a way of unveiling the differences between couples, especially when your marriage is in trouble. Seek out those interests you have in common with your spouse. Look for opportunities to share activities together. Perhaps it's ballroom dancing, or photography, or camping, or trips to the beach.

Remember what it was like when you were dating. What was it that first attracted you to your spouse? What made you first fall in love? How can those feelings be rekindled?

Keep your sense of humor. Life is challenging enough without having to live with a brooding, angry spouse. Laugh out loud the way you did when you were a kid. Happiness is a choice. Exercise it.

Marriage is a sacred vow to love your partner for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till ... well you know the rest. Unfortunately, for many people, the pressures, challenges, and monotony of married life have doused its wonderful positive aspects.

Maybe it's time to rekindle the magic.

Tips for enjoing your favorite wine

2008-05-01T02:47:00.000-07:00

The primary connoisseurs of fine wine are oenophiles who are stringent about treating, serving and tasting wine. Then there are wine lovers and those simply appreciating wine.

For occasional enthusiasts, collectors and cellar owners, the essence of wine etiquette heightens the experience.

Determine Proper Temperature

Wine is altered by temperature and environment, putting the emphasis on proper storage. Keep red table wines standing in the dining room for approximately 24 hours in advance, for settling sediments, followed by room temperature. White and Rose wines require slight chilling of around 50’F or one hour in a refrigerator.

Sparkling wines including champagnes require longer chilling of a few hours. Temperature levels drown inconsistencies and enhance the taste. A handy tip is to allow 10 minutes for a wine in a refrigerator to chill and for the reversal, in room temperature.

Time The Uncorking

Uncorking a wine calls for basic guidelines. For red wines, remove the cork one hour in advance. Oxidation helps to experience the true flavor. The longer white wines are left open in room temperature, the more the loss in quality. Don’t uncork until just before serving.

Decant The Wine

It may appear pretentious to make such a lot of fuss, but there’s no denying that there is a whole new dimension to the taste. Red wine vintage and port wines are perfect for decanters as they build up fairly substantial bitter sediment at the bottom. Pouring slowly into a decanter therefore separates the wine from the sediments.

Decanting wine is also done for exposure to oxygen. Having been deprived of air and vacuum for years, air adds to the flavor of red wine. For uncorking use a container with an open mouth. The resulting chemical reaction exudes the aroma that is crucial for the tasting experience. For this purpose, red wine glasses have large rims. Having slowly decanted the wine, leave it for about an hour in room temperature. Eventually the difference in taste is unmistakable.

Pour The Wine

Wine etiquette dictates how a glass of wine should be poured. For bubbly wines that sparkle, pour along the side of the glass to preserve the all-important bubbles. Still wine is poured into the center of the glass allowing the flavor to float upwards.

Depending on the wine, never fill a glass more than two-thirds or halfway. On occasions when different wines are being sampled during a meal, the amount being poured needs to be even less.

Use The Right Glass

Highly diverse, wine glasses may prove confusing. Nevertheless they matter as they function with the temperature. The more intense aromas are better appreciated in glasses with wide but thin rims.

The opposite principle is true for white wine glasses. Narrower and more slender, the tulip shape is integral to the hallmarks of white wine. More blunt and less angular than champagne flute or dessert wine glasses, white wine glasses can be easily differentiated.

Follow The Drinking Rules

To the uninitiated wine etiquette may seem unnecessary. However it is an established fact that for the authentic experience of wine in all its subtleties, it is the only way...... Cheers!

Attraction vs. Love

2008-05-01T02:41:00.000-07:00

When we first meet someone, regardless of the way or medium that we meet, we are either attracted or not. Attraction, when pursued, eventually grows into levels of friendship and then may cross the barriers we build up, to protect ourselves, and grow into love.

Attraction usually involves an instant decision of like or dislike, based on our own subconscious criteria. If we meet someone in person, we tend to size them up physically.

If we meet through letters or phone conversation or internet chat, we tend to size them up, over a longer term, by how well they converse and how interesting (or complimentary) they are while we interact with them.

It is true that people can act however they want, be whatever they want to be, over the internet. But eventually the true person leaks through the cracks and we begin to see their true self. Moral of the story? It’s best to be your real self. You may eventually want to meet the person on the other end of the conversation.

On the other hand, when you do meet the ‘real’ person on the other end, remember that you have grown to like that person because of what’s inside their mind and heart. You have found a potential ‘soul mate’ who thinks as you think and feels much the same way that you feel.

No one is perfect. We all have our own flaws and shortcomings. The concept of finding the ‘right’ person is good. The concept of finding the ‘perfect’ person is improbable and discouraging, because ‘perfect’ doesn’t exist.

The way this person looks, their physical appearance, isn’t as important as their inner looks, or soul. What we see is what we get, and hopefully the heart ranks the highest. We fall in love with someone’s soul, not the shape or size of their body. And although a certain number of things can be done to improve physical appearance, that shouldn’t be our main criteria or requirement for friendship or companionship.

We fall in love with their heart. With their inner self. With their true being. And that’s what matters most.

Know Your Perfume

2008-04-23T12:08:00.000-07:00

The word `perfume` is derived from the Latin `per fume` which means through smoke.

Perfume making began in ancient Egypt; later, it was improved by the Romans and the Arabs.

The process of distilling oils from flowers was discovered by an Iranian doctor, and this is the process still used in perfume making today.

Modern perfume was first made in 1370 in Hungary, by blending scented oils in an alcoholic solution, and was known all over Europe as Hungary water. Perfume making continued to be developed in Italy during the Renaissance, and in France from the 16th century onwards. Growing of flowers for perfume making became an important industry in southern France; and France is still the center of perfume making in Europe.

The designer houses famous for their perfumes keep their formulas of the fragrances a closely guarded secret. But there are perfume experts who can identify the origins and components of the scents much like wine testers.

Perfumes are classified by their scent and concentration levels. The oils used in making perfume are diluted by ethanol and water, because the undiluted oils can cause damage to the skin or to clothing, or can cause allergic reactions. Accordingly, there are Pure perfume, Eau De Parfum, Eau De Toilette and Eau De Cologne, with Pure perfume containing the largest percentage of aromatic oils, and Eau De Cologne the smallest amount.

The fragrance designer houses use different levels of concentration for the same category of perfume; for instance, the Eau De Parfum belonging to one house, may be much stronger than one from another house. There are also three different perfume classifications according to scents; the traditional scents were created in the early 1900`s; the modern scents date from 1945; the Fragrance wheel was created in 1983, there being five standard fragrance categories: the Fougere family, Floral, Woody, Oriental and Fresh.

Perfumes are also known by their top, middle and base notes, which unfold gradually; the top notes can be sensed immediately, next, the deeper middle notes, and the base notes appear gradually in the last stage. There is an evaporation process in perfumes, and this knowledge is used in carefully choosing the notes. Top notes are important in selling the perfume as they can be perceived immediately; the middle and the base notes make up the perfume's main theme.

The aromatic oils used in perfume making are obtained from various sources. Barks of cinnamon, sassafras and cascarilla are used. Flowers are the largest source; rose, osmanthus, jasmine, tuberose, mimosa and blossom of citrus trees are widely used. Odors from fresh fruits like cherries, strawberries and apples cannot be extracted well and synthetic substances are used. The exceptions are vanilla, juniper and oranges, grapefruit and limes. Among leaves and twigs, lavender, patchouli, rosemary, violets, sage and citrus leaves are used. Resins are obtained from frankincense, labdanum, myrrh, gum benzoin, Peru balsam, fir and pine.

Roots, Ambergris, woods, honeycomb, musk (synthetic), lichens, civets, seaweed are some of the other sources of aromas.

Organic synthetics are created from petroleum and pine resins for scents which cannot be obtained from nature. There are really hundreds of ingredients that are contained in perfume oils. The modern fragrance houses have developed their own fragrance oils, which are blended with ethyl alcohol and water for fourteen days; these are then filtered and unwanted particles removed; they are then filled into beautiful perfume bottles.

These days, we find well known celebrities signing contracts with perfume houses to lend their names for promoting famous perfumes. Some of the most popular ones are David Beckham for Instinct, Antonio Banderas for Spirit, Elizabeth Taylor for White Diamonds, Passion, Forever Elisabeth, and many more.

The Pill: A Blessing And A Curse

2008-04-23T11:56:00.000-07:00

We know the pill’s safe in the short term, but what happens to long-term users?

Birth control pills decrease the risk of certain cancers but increase the risk of others the longer they’re taken, according to the longest study ever done on the hormonal contraceptive.

For long-term users, the benefits of the pill are still seen in diminished ovarian and endometrial cancers; but women who took the pill for more than eight years were twice as likely to get cervical cancer.

The study, published in the British Medical Journal, comes 50 years after the pill garnered FDA approval to help regulate the periods of women with menstrual disorders. Since then, it has also helped more than 300 million women worldwide avoid pregnancy by blocking ovulation. Because of controversy surrounding its use, researchers kept meticulous data about the women who first took it and the conditions they developed. Now the data have been analyzed, and findings indicate that the pill offers protective benefits for women who’ve used it: a reduction of cancer incidence between 3 percent and 12 percent. But long-term pill takers were 20 percent more likely to develop cancer.

The way birth control protects or damages a woman’s body is not known. One hypothesis suggests that by stopping ovulation, the pill protects the ovaries from the monthly damage caused by an egg breaking through the ovary during a woman’s natural menstrual cycle, thus preventing ovarian cancers. Another theory is that the hormone regulation induced by taking the pill protects organs, possibly through changes in the production of other non-sex hormones or the body’s ability to process sugar from foods, although both causes are purely speculative. “None of the mechanisms actually fit all the data, so we just have to say no one knows its precise beneficial or harmful effects,” says Dr. Philip Hannaford, a professor of General Practice and Primary Care at the University of Aberdeen and the lead author on the study.

Hannaford’s team analyzed data from more than 1 million British women who began taking the pill just after it was commercially introduced in 1968. “This study is good news for women,” Hannaford says, mentioning that for many women who worry about increased risk of breast cancer—previously linked to hormone therapies—the findings came as a relief.

However, increased cancer among long-term users was primarily cervical cancer, which was not aggressively screened for until 1975. “Cervical cancer can be picked up early and is eminently treatable,” says Hannaford. He recommends that women using the pill for a long time recognize they have an increased risk and remember to go in for their annual screenings.

Dr. Miriam Cremmer, a family planning specialist at New York University Medical Center, agrees that long-term pill users should not be too concerned. “I wouldn’t tell women to get off it at any point because of increased risk of cancer,” she says. Cremmer noted that she and her colleagues were not concerned because the risk increase was relatively small and only found for easily identified cancer types. “I don’t think it’s going to change prescriptions at all,” she says.

Why do people sneeze?

2008-04-23T11:33:00.001-07:00

God bless you! Gesundheit! Cover your face!

When you sneeze, you are likely to hear one of these responses, ranging in inspiration from the medieval to the hygienic. Different cultures throughout history have interpreted a sneeze as either an auspicious sign or a bad omen, but it may be said that both are right: Sneezing is the good that gets the ill out.

“Sneezing is basically ‘nature’s broom,’” says Dr. James Banks, an allergist and immunologist in private practice in Arnold, Md. “It is a way our bodies purge foreign matter that has invaded our noses.”

Particulates are the usual suspects, including dust and common allergens like pollen or animal dander. Sneezing also expels unwelcome germs when we are sick, which has given rise to the sanitary concerns about honking away in public places. And for good reason: a single sneeze can produce some 40,000 aerosolized droplets containing a hefty amount of infectious organisms, according to a 1998 article in the American Journal of Infection Control.

It’s not just allergies and illnesses that can produce that familiar tickling in the nose. Banks explains: “People sneeze for a lot of reasons other than just getting something up their noses. Clinically speaking, we consider sneezing a non-specific reaction, because there are a lot of sources that irritate.”

For example, some people experience a round of sneezing after a large meal, which has led to the coining of the term snatiation, a combination of sneeze and satiation. There is also a phenomenon with a known genetic basis called the photic sneeze reflex, which causes about one-third of people to sneeze from looking at a bright light source, such as the sun. Sigmund Freud has even speculated on the kinky psychological origins of an otherwise innocuous sneeze.

“Overall, it is not a clear-cut reflex,” says Dr. David Kaufman, an associate professor in the department of otolaryngology at New York University Medical Center (an otolaryngologist is most often referred to as an ear, nose and throat specialist).

Like blinking or breathing, sneezing is a semi-autonomous reflex, meaning we exercise some conscious control over its mechanism – we can try to restrain ourselves or submit and start reaching for a tissue.

The act of sneezing itself, technically called sternutation, usually begins as an electrical signal that is triggered by a trespassing particle’s contact with nerve endings in the mucous membranes of our sinuses. This neural message then travels to the brain stem, which is located in the lower rear of our head where the spine connects to the brain and controls rudimentary bodily functions such as respiration and swallowing.

Once the command for a sneeze has reached the brain stem, an “all points bulletin” is sent throughout the body’s musculature and a powerful, coordinated contraction takes place. Our eyes are forced closed, and other facial, chest and abdominal muscle groups are recruited as well. Some muscles actually anchor and brace us while in the throes of a nasal outburst to avoid unintended bodily injury.

“They keep us from jet-action, throwing ourselves across the room,” says Banks. A typical sneeze has a velocity of about 100 miles per hour (160 kilometers per hour), an impressive hurricane squall, while a regular breath idles along at just 5 mph. That 20-fold increase usually serves to eject whatever it is that is causing the offense, but some people have to blast out several sneezes, oftentimes hilariously, before finally getting a well-deserved break.

Scientists have yet to come up with a good explanation for why most people sneeze the predictable two or three times, while others are wracked by staccato attacks. But the answer seems to lie in an individual’s unique immunological and neurological constitution.

“Multiple sneezes are more common in allergenic individuals, especially those with an ongoing chronic stimulus of some sort,” says Banks.

What if you hold in a sneeze? There is the often-repeated fear that an internal backfiring can burst capillaries in the sinuses or eyes, injure the delicate inner ears or even cause a stroke.

Dr. Clark Kaufman, a pediatric allergist in private practice in Lancaster, Pa., thinks this is unlikely. “It’s not dangerous,” he says. “Most people do it all the time and get away with it.” But he cautions that as your body may be trying to dislodge something, it’s probably not a good idea to hold back on a routine basis.

So chances are you won’t do any permanent damage if you quash that sneeze during a job interview or a date. To help suppress the urge, try placing your index finger under your nose.

“This sends sense signals to your brain using the same neural pathways that a sneeze does,” advises Banks. By doing this, you can “overload your neural circuitry” and prevent the sneeze from occurring.

In lieu of putting a finger to the face in a gesture that unintentionally mimics a mustache, Banks also recommends breathing through one’s mouth, as this will decrease turbulence in the nose and may help thwart the impending “atchoo.”

On the other hand, if you have a sneeze that refuses to come out or go away, and you’re grimacing awkwardly in public, close your mouth and inhale through your nose to further excite the nerve endings. This will assist in getting you across the threshold so the sneeze reflex kicks in, and then you can just let ‘er rip.

After all, if Freud is to believed, sneezing is actually sort of sexy – though don’t expect to hear “hubba hubba” the next time you do.

Relationship ending points

2008-04-23T11:15:00.000-07:00

5 signs it's time to call it quits!

When you meet a fabulous guy and fall in love, the last thing on your mind is how or when it's going to end. You might be so head-over-heels that you miss some signs that this relationship is going nowhere fast. When navigating through love relationships, what becomes important is the ability to read the telling signs of a relationship that has completed its course and when to not hang on.
So, when do you really know that your love relationship is over? Admitting to any or all of these checklist items could mean it's time for you to call it quits.

1. Your needs are consistently not being met
Your beau used to add romance to just about everything and shower your with affection. But lately, it's not just cooling off -- it's ice cold. Couples who are no longer together admit that they experienced a longstanding history of feeling as though their needs were no longer being met. Words of encouragement and support that were once commonplace are now largely absent. Other examples include one or both members of a couple refraining from sex, intimacy, and/or affection. Feeling as though your needs are not being met leads to resentment, withholding, and anger.

2. There are critical or unresolved issues
One good reason for couples to partake in counselling at different times over the course of their relationship is to help them find healthy and constructive ways of resolving conflict. Over time, a relationship has the potential to accumulate unresolved issues and problems, but if you don't know how to get to a satisfactory resolution you might find you and your man in a less-than-pretty stalemate. The issue gets buried until a later time – creating another unresolved conflict. Relationships with a large list of unsolved conflicts become suffocated by the weight of these. Newer relationships that continue to face unresolved differences and conflict don't have a long-term future.

3. Bad behaviour, bad excuses
Ladies, we all need to honour our self-defined 'deal breakers' -- the things that you simply won't tolerate in your relationship under any circumstances. Making excuses for bad behaviour (betrayal of trust, infidelity, violent behaviour, etc.) are a tell tale sign that you are not willing to take an honest look at what's wrong with your relationship. If your former Prince Charming does the unthinkable, the relationship needs to be over.

4. Negative impact
When a relationship creates an ongoing source of tension, conflict, frustration, anger and unhappiness it's time to say sayonara. A healthy relationship is one that contributes (rather than negatively affects) the overall quality of your life.

5. Sense of disconnection
An emotional or spiritual incompatibility occurs when one or both partners begin to confide in members of the opposite gender for emotional support and comfort. So, if you're sharing your inner most feelings with the cute guy at work, rather than your partner, you need to assess your relationship. It's as if you and your partner have run out of things to say, behaving more like roommates than lovers, living separate, albeit, parallel lives.

Recognizing that your relationship has fatal flaws doesn't mean you need to point fingers of blame at yourself or your partner. It does mean that you need to stop investing time and energy in what isn't working, and instead look ahead to what it is you really want from a love relationship.

.

Why we should just say 'no' to designer labels

2008-04-23T10:50:00.000-07:00

There are plenty of reasons why being a slave to designer labels is a bad idea.

Some cite ethical and moral issues, and a recent series of tests on labels for sale in Shanghai found that wearing designer clothes may even be bad for your health.

Garments from 40 labels including Armani, Burberry and Polo Ralph Lauren were declared substandard after quality control tests by China's Bureau of Commerce and Industry.

Of the 59 items tested, 25 had high levels of the chemical formaldehyde, acid (pH) and poor dyes which can lead to skin rashes, eye irritations, respiratory problems, allergies and cancer.

But these aren't the only reasons to say no to designer clothes.

The trend leaders are ubiquitous and easy to spot - Armani, Gucci, Dolce and Gabbana, Versace, Prada are household names for the fashion conscious.

But while these fashion houses may lead in the trend-setting stakes, they lag behind in quality.

Basically, their products are comparatively shoddy. Their high prices reflect not quality, but the need to pay for massive advertising campaigns in magazines and on billboards, as well as catwalk shows where those weird and wonderful creations with absolutely no connection to reality are wheeled out.

All this is necessary to create an image - whether it is Ralph Lauren's bucolic, stylised snapshot of English country life or Prada's androgynous models parading a row of identical skin-tight black suits with thin lapels and skinny black ties.

For many, the pursuit of the label has supplanted the pursuit of quality.

But makers who have always indulged in producing an agelessly stylish silhouette remain a mystery to most.

How about Corneliani, Canali, Isaia, Luciana Barbera, Borrelli, Raffaele Caruso or Pal Zileri, for example?

They may not have a high profile but these names are worth knowing if you want your wardrobe to look permanently relevant and transcend the whims of fashion.

You won't find any of them in department stores and if you go to a high-end city store you will pay full retail in the order of $3,000 or more. Search the internet and you'll find new examples on offer for a third of this.

Big name designer labels can't really afford to be well made.

That would be contrary to the manufacturer's raison d'etre - to make money by regularly changing trends and declaring this or that to be in or out.

The fashion writer Dana Thomas' book, Deluxe: How Luxury Lost its Luster, exposes the myth of couture houses.

Their original ideals, prized by family-owned businesses who prided themselves on handwork, were long ago lost. These businesses are now cogs in huge multinational corporations whose focus is international brand awareness and profit.

Garments are churned out by underpaid workers in Chinese sweatshops and returned to Europe, where some small part can be added so the respected Made in Italy label can be attached.

Sometimes not even this is necessary.

Italian companies have now caught on to the idea of importing thousands of lowly-paid Chinese into the country to produce clothes and leather goods in conditions marginally better than those in their home country. The maker can then legally add Made in Italy to the product.

So instead of following the flock and striving to aspire to a contrived image, try Googling some of the true artisans.

Why do people cry?

2008-04-20T07:31:00.000-07:00

You’re watching the final scene in Thelma and Louise, and you’re on your third handkerchief. You turn your tear stained face to the side and look through blurred, saline-flooded vision at your cat, who is staring back at you witnessing the curious spectacle. Why is it that humans can be reduced to blubbering messes, while other members of the animal kingdom don’t seem to let out even a sniffle?

We have tear ducts to lubricate and protect our eyes from dust and other particles. The ducts are under the upper eyelids and produce a salty liquid—a tear-–-that gets spread throughout the eye after each blink. Animals too have the ability to produce tears, but not necessarily for the same reasons that we humans produce them.

Three types of tears are generated by the human eye. Basal tears protect the eye and keep it moist. Reflex tears flush out the eye when it becomes irritated. And emotional tears flow in response to sadness, distress, or physical pain.

Studies have shown that emotional tears contain more manganese, an element that affects temperament, and more prolactin, a hormone that regulates milk production. Sobbing out manganese and prolactin is thought to relieve tension by balancing the body’s stress levels and eliminating build ups of the chemicals, making the crier feel better.

But this minor physiological benefit aside, the most likely reason we produce emotional tears is because it’s a means of communication. Before babies can speak, they can cry. The only way for infants to express frustration, pain, fear, or need is to cry. Adults may use crying to bond with other humans. Expressing sadness can prompt comfort and support from peers. Different languages can provide barriers to spoken communication, but emotions are universal. There are also culturally acceptable reasons for crying that bring people together, such as at funerals or weddings.

Though there is a significant debate over whether animals have emotions and can express them, some animals do appear to cry for emotional reasons. Elephants seem to grieve when a family member dies and will guard the body and travel long distances to view it. Elephant experts at the London Zoo once told Charles Darwin that the animals do indeed mourn. Chimpanzees also appear to cry, but some scientists still insist that the tears released by these animals are strictly for cleaning the eye.

Whether or not animals shed tears for emotional reasons has yet to be scientifically proven. Humans, however, can and do dissolve into tears for any number of reasons. Cleansing the eye, relieving stress, conveying pain, communication, and societal assimilation can all lead to an empty tissue box. So weeping after that sappy movie might not mean that you are a total wuss after all. In fact, it may mean that you are behaving like a perfectly normal human being.

Smoking Gene

2008-04-20T07:04:00.000-07:00

There are a lot of ways to quit smoking: patches, gums, lozenges, inhalers, prescription pills, self-help books and many more. The proliferation of these products illustrates the simple truth that it’s very tough to quit. Smokers rarely succeed on their first try, and fewer than one-third are ever able to give up cigarettes using these available methods.

With such a low success rate, how would a smoker know which one would work the best? The answer might be in their genes.

Bupropion (marketed under the name Zyban), a popular drug prescribed to help patients quit smoking, has been shown to be more effective in people that possess certain “smoking genes,” according to a study published late last year in the journal Biological Psychiatry.

“We believe [the results] are an exciting step forward in seeking information about how one responds well to which drugs – the holy grail of personalized medicine,” said Rachel Tyndale, author of the study and professor at the University of Toronto.

These results suggest that by using genetic testing at the outset, patients can bypass some of the early false starts of smoking cessation. If they have the right genetic variant, then they know that bupropion works well for them and can tailor their treatment plan accordingly. Patients can opt for the drug before buying nicotine replacement gum or pursuing counseling options.

Tyndale’s team chose to look at the gene CYP2B6, which is associated with the body’s ability to process nicotine. They recruited 326 moderate-to-heavy smokers who smoked half a pack a day or more. The participants were divided into two groups: one that was given the standard two-month course of bupropion and another that received a placebo. The researchers monitored their progress over a six-month period.

About half of the smokers in the buproprion group had a variant of the gene CYP2B6 that made them almost three times more likely to be able to quit smoking using bupropion when compared with the placebo group. After six months, those with the smoking gene were still much more likely to have avoided cigarettes.

Smoking cessation expert Douglas Jorenby, director of clinical services at the University of Wisconsin Center for Tobacco Research and Intervention in Madison, agrees that “a major goal now… is to connect [the patients] with the correct treatment.”

While this development is a step forward, Jorenby would like to see the experiment replicated in order to verify the results.

Jorenby also had concerns that genetic testing is not yet cost-effective. Currently, the kind of genetic testing needed for this study is not commercially available, and it will be expensive when it does eventually enter the marketplace. For comparison, it costs around $2,000 to test for the breast cancer genes.

While this initial study shows hope for everyone struggling with smoking addiction, there is still a lot more to be done before its lessons can be implemented. In the meantime, Tyndale’s group is gearing up to repeat their study on this smoking gene.

Intensify your eye colour

2008-04-20T06:08:00.000-07:00

Make your eyes shine bright with the right choices in eye makeup colours.
There are simple ways to make your natural eye colour really dazzle. As you probably know, certain colours complement and enhance other colours. The same theory works with eye makeup and your iris (the coloured part of your eye). You can make your blues bluer, greens greener, and so on. I've found that the following basic colour combinations work the best:

Brown eyes
Try: Use eyeshadow or liner in grey, black, navy blue, neutral chocolate brown, or chocolate brown with a hint of red, pink-brown, grey-brown, burgundy, or eggplant. You can also use paler or medium versions of these shades as eyeshadow, as well as light mauve, light pink and peach. You can use gold shadow if your skin tone is not too sallow or yellow.

Avoid: If you have brown eyes and olive skin, skip neutral browns like khakis, taupes, and yellow-browns. They won't make your eyes look alive and will only emphasize the yellow in your skin.

Blue eyes
Try: Use eyeshadow in fleshy pink, brown-pink, beige-pink, peachy-pink, muted mauve, greys, light dusty blues, turquoise washes, black, or all browns. Use eyeliner in grey, black, brown, navy blue, bronze-gold, or dark purple.

Avoid: If you have pink-toned skin, stay away from shadows that are pure pink. By all means, don't use strong pinks such as fuchsia, or you'll end up resembling a bunny rabbit. If you have pure blue eyes that tend not to change colour, you should avoid green eyeshadow and liner. Avoid blues that are too strong because they can overwhelm your eye colour.

Green or hazel eyes
Try: Shadows in peach, light pink, muted pink, mauve, green, bronze-green, grey-green, brown-green, khaki, caramel, gold, any green mixed with gold, and all browns and greys. If your complexion is very olive and your dark circles too yellow-brown and deep, stick to the cool colours like navy blues, slate greys, mauve-greys, bright mauves, pinks, black, or eggplants. Use liner in navy, deep purple, black, grey, gold, or brown.

Avoid: Don't use any green that's not subtle. You don't want to wear bright, vivid greens because they will overwhelm your eye colour. If you want to try a bright colour such as teal or turquoise, make sure to apply a subtle wash so it brightens the eye area without overwhelming your eye colour.

.

7 skin myths solved!

2008-04-20T05:53:00.000-07:00

We dig up the truth behind cucumber slices on the eyes to getting rid of pesky cellulite.

1. Lying in a tanning bed for 10 minutes adds up to the same amount of UV exposure as spending an entire day in the sun.
FALSE. Still, don't quit your spray-on tan. You can't compare the two because tanning beds emit mostly UVA (long-wave) rays – which penetrate the skin deeper – whereas the sun emits a combination of UVA and UVB (short-wave) rays. Still, the beds emit UVA rays that are four to 20 times as strong as the sun, says Dr. Jason Rivers, a dermatologist and clinical professor at The University of British Columbia in Vancouver. Because tanning beds are linked to an increased risk of skin cancer, you're better off sticking with the kind of tan that rubs on.

2. You can get rid of cellulite permanently.
FALSE. Because we don't know what causes cellulite, the most we can hope for is temporary improvement in its appearance, says Dr. Mariusz Sapijaszko, a dermatologist and cosmetic surgeon at the Western Canada Dermatology Institute in Edmonton. Apply prescription creams that contain tretinoin (a vitamin A derivative) on an ongoing basis, he says. While a type of surgery called "subcision" shows promise, the side effects, which include bruising and scarring, render it a last resort.

3. Certain products and techniques can change the size of your pores.
FALSE. We're born with a certain pore size, and there's not much that will change it, says Vignjevic. Other than slightly minimizing their appearances, pore-minimizing creams don't do much, he adds. Your only hope is laser therapy techniques, such as intense pulsed light. These may make your pores appear smaller by stimulating collagen production, which tightens and smooths the skin.

4. Drinking water keeps your skin from drying out.
FALSE. Drinking water helps keep our internal organs functioning and is essential for life. But, says Vignjevic, all those bottles of Evian have little effect on the dryness of your skin – or your "glow," despite what celebs like to claim. "The topical application of creams is more important," he adds.

5. You don't need a toner.
TRUE. Toners gently exfoliate the skin, but they're not a necessity, says Vignjevic. One exception; people with blackheads. The alpha-hydroxy acids in some toners help lift and remove dead skin cells, which can block pores.

6. Cucumber slices, cool wet tea bags and Preparation H reduce under-eye bags.
FALSE. These tricks don't do a thing, says Dr. Peter Vignjevic, a dermatologist in Hamilton, Ont. "No one really knows what causes puffiness, but it's most likely an accumulation of excess fat," he says. "Unfortunately, surgical removal of the excess skin and fat is the only thing that really works."

7. If you have oily skin, you don't need to moisturize.
TRUE. You only need moisturizer if your skin feels tight and dry after washing, says Vignjevic. There is one exception, though: if you have combination skin, you need a non-comedogenic face cream, which won't cause breakouts.

.

WELCOME

2008-04-20T03:37:00.000-07:00

Choose an article from right side

Sexual healing: The benefits of sex

2008-04-20T01:21:00.000-07:00

It can burn calories, ward off disease and even help you look younger. Sex isn't just good; it's good for you!
The Economist has declared that sleep is the new sex as a trend for 2008. But don't ditch your lace undies for cozy flannels yet. Just as a good night's sleep will do wonders for your mood, a joyful jump in the hay will keep you fit and stress-free. And even if you occasionally pull a Meg Ryan and fake it, you'll still reap the rewards. "Even without an orgasm, sexual activity releases sex hormones that have beneficial effects on our immune, cardiovascular and neurological systems," says Dr. Ted Jablonski, a clinical associate at the Sexual Health Clinic in Calgary. Here are five reasons why you should do it.

Sexercise
Forget Bikram yoga class; a little sweaty sexercise might be an easier way to get your cardio and strength training. Researchers at The University of Sheffield in the United Kingdom studied 70 couples and found that those who had regular sex were in better physical shape than those whose lovemaking sessions were more sporadic. Not surprising, says Dr. Cedric Bryant, chief science officer for the American Council on Exercise. "You get some cardio benefits from having sex," he says. "It raises your heart rate and burns 150 to 200 calories an hour -- that's equivalent to a brisk walk." (Even if you're not rounding home right away, kissing alone uses 29 muscles and torches 20 calories per minute, according to research by Beiersdorf AG, the makers of NIVEA Lip Care.) Sex can also build muscle. "Depending on your position, it can add muscular training and conditioning as well as core stability from maintaining positions," says Bryant.

Happy hour
The next time you're feeling gloomy, skip the Ben & Jerry's -- some X-rated canoodling could be a better way to beat the blahs. Researchers at Arizona State University asked 58 women to record their moods and levels of sexual activity and physical affection over 36 weeks. Those women who experienced both affection and sex reported being in a better mood the next day. Chalk it up to endorphins -- neurotransmitters that are released during sexual activity, says Jablonski. "Endorphins are produced in the brain and make you feel happy -- almost giddy," he says. "This is what causes that classic 'afterglow' phenomenon."

First aid
Marvin Gaye was onto something when he called it "sexual healing." During intercourse, two chemicals are released in the body: endorphins and oxytocin; together, they act as a powerful opiate. (A study at the University of Vienna found that women's oxytocin levels increase significantly as quickly as one minute after an orgasm.) So, if you have a headache, the horizontal mambo could be just what the doctor ordered. "Studies have shown that sex increases your pain threshold for ailments such as migraines and even menstrual cramps," says Dr. Hilda Hutcherson, a gynecologist and professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Medical Center in New York.

Big chill
We all know that stress is bad for us; luckily, we can have fun getting rid of its unhealthy side effects. Stuart Brody, a professor at the University of Paisley in Scotland, found that having sex can help lower your blood pressure when you're reacting to stressful situations. In a 2006 study that examined
24 women and 22 men, those who had penile-vaginal intercourse had better stress responses than those who abstained or participated in other sexual activities, such as masturbation. Again, it's because of oxytocin, says Lisa Martinez, executive director of The Women's Sexual Health Foundation in Ohio. "The hormone creates a sense of well-being and happiness," adds Hutcherson.

Forever young
Sure, a visit to the dermatologist's office might help eradicate a wrinkle or two. But hitting it with your partner could give you even greater anti-aging benefits. A study of 3,500 people at the Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland found that couples who had sex at least three times a week looked at least 10 years younger than those who had sex twice a week. Regular sex can boost your immune system too: a 2004 study at Wilkes University in
Pennsylvania found that those who had sex once or twice a week had higher levels of immunoglobulin A -- an antibody that plays a critical role in the immune system -- than those who had sex less often.

.